time enough for love-时间足够你爱(英文版)-第100章

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　him　that。　It　might　not　be　sex。　Aren't　there　times　when　Brian　needs　something　else？〃　。　…
　　
　　〃Oh；　certainly。　If　he's　tired　and　tense；　I　hold　off　and　rub　his　back　or　head。　Or　cuddle　with　him。　Maybe　encourage　him　to　nap；　and　then　perhaps　he　really　will　wake　me　'the　best　way。'　I　don't　try　to　eat　him　alive。　Unless　that's　what　he　wants。〃
　　
　　〃Tamara　all　over　again。　Maureen；　when　Tamara　was　healing　me；　at　first　she　didn't　even　share　a　bed　with　me。　Just　slept　in　the　same　room　and　ate　with　me　and　listened　if　I　felt　like　talking。　Then　for　ten　days　or　so　she　did　sleep　with　me；　but　we　just　slept　…　。　and　I　slept　soundly　and　had　no　nightmares。　Then　one　night　I　woke　up；　and　without　a　word　Tamara　took　me　into　her；　and　we　made　love　the　rest　of　that　night。　And　next　morning　I　knew　I　was　well…soul…sickness　all　gone。
　　
　　〃You　are　that　way；　Maureen。　You　know；　and　you　do。　I've　been　very　homesick　and　much　troubled　by　this　war。　Now　I'm　not；　you've　cured　it。　Tell　me；　what　did　you　feel　from　me　the　first　night　I　was　in　this　house？〃
　　
　　〃Loved　you　at　first　sight；　like　a　silly　schoolgirl。　Wanted　to　take　you　to　bed。　I　told　you　so。〃　…
　　
　　〃Not　how　you　felt…how　did　I　feel？〃
　　
　　〃Oh。　You　had　an　erection　over　me。〃
　　
　　〃Yes；　I　did。　But　I　thought　I　had　concealed　it。　You　noticed？〃
　　
　　〃Oh；　I　didn't　see　a　bulge　in　your　trousers　or　anything　like　that。　Theodore；　I　never　look　down　that　far；　men　bee　embarrassed　so　easily。　I　simply　knew　you　felt　as　I　did…and　I　felt　like　a　she　dog　in　heat。　Bitch　in　heat；　I　mean…I　don't　intend　to…　be　prim　in　bed。　The　instant　you　met　my　eyes…　standing；　out　in　the　front　hall…I　knew　we　needed　each　other　and　I　grew　terribly　excited　。　。　and　rushed　out　into　the　kitchen　tO　get　myself　under　~control。〃
　　
　　〃You　…　didn't　rush；　you　moved　with　smooth　grace；　like　a　ship　under　sail。〃　…
　　
　　〃That　ship　was　sailing　fast；　I　was　rushing。　I　got　myself　under　con~trol　but　not　less　excited。　More。　My　breasts　ached　and　my　nipples　hurt；　all　the　time　you　were　here。　But　that　doesn't　show。　It　would　not　have　mattered　had　Father　noticed　my　excitement　except　that　he　would　not　have　invited　you　back…and　I　wanted　you　to　e　back。　Father　knows　what　I　am；　he　told　me　so　when　he　was　helping　me。　He　told
　　
　　…　me　to　face　up　to　what　I　am　and　be　happy　with　it…but　that　I　must　learn　never　to　let　my　ruttiness　show；　things　being　the　way　they　are。　I've　tried…but　that　night　it　was　very　hard　not　to　show　it。〃
　　
　　〃You　succeeded。〃…
　　
　　〃Brian　tells　me　that　I　don't　show　it。　But　that　night　was　so　difficult。　I…　Theodore；　there　is　something　boys　do…and　sometimes　men…when　they're　terribly　frustrated。　With　their　hands。〃
　　
　　〃Certainly。　Masturbation。　Boys　call　it　'jacking　off。'〃
　　
　　〃So　Brian　says。　But　perhaps　you　don't　know　that…　girls…　and　women…can　do　something　like　it？〃
　　
　　〃I　do　know。　For　a　lonely　person　of　either　sex；　it's　a　harmless　but　inadequate　substitute。〃
　　
　　〃'Harmless　but　inadequate…'　Quite　inadequate。　But　I'm　glad　you　think　it's　harmless。　Because　I　went　upstairs　and　took　a　bath…I　needed　one　although　I　had　bathed　before？supper。　And　did　it；　in　the　tub。　And　went　to　bed　and　stared　at　the　ceiling。　Then　got　up　and　locked　the　door　and　took　off　my　nightgown…and　did　it　and　did　it　and　did　it！　Thinking　about　you；　Theodore；　every　instant。　Your　voice；　how　you　smelled；　the　touch　of　your　hand　on　mine。　But　it　took　at　least　an　hour　before　I　was　relaxed　enough　to　sleep。〃
　　
　　（It　took　me　even　longer；　dear；　and　I　should　have　used　your　direct　therapy。　But　I　was　punishing　myself　for　being　a　fool。　Off　my　trolley；　dearest　one；　as　I　know　it　is　never　foolish　to　love。　But　I　didn't　see　how　we　could　ever　show　our　love。）　〃I　wish　I　could　have　been　there；　darling…because　a　mile　or　two　away　I　was　aching　with　it…thinking　of　you。〃
　　
　　〃Theodore；　I　hoped　you　felt　that　way。　I　needed　you　so　and　hoped　that　you　needed　me　just　as　much。　But　the　best　I　could　do　was　lock　my　door　and　do　that~　and　think　about　you；　with　nobody　around　but　Ethel　in　hei　crib　and　her　too　young　to　notice。　Oops！　I　lost　you。　Oh；　dear！〃
　　
　　第81节
　　
　　〃You　haven't　lost　me；　just　that　wee　bit　of　proud　flesh。　Which　will　recover　soon；　you　promised　me　a　second　chance。　Change　position？　Shoulder　pillow？　Left；　or　right？　I　shouldn't
　　
　　have　kept　my　weight　on　you　so　long；　but　I　didn't　want　to　move。〃　…
　　
　　〃I　didn't　want　you　to　move　as　long　as　I　could　keep　even　a　little　of　you　in　me。　You　aren't　too　heavy；　my　hips　are　broad；　and　you　let　a　woman　breathe；　sir。　Put　me　on　either　side；　whichever　you　prefer。〃
　　
　　〃Like　this？〃
　　
　　〃That's　fy。　Oh；　Theodore；　this　doesn't　feel　like　our　first　time；　I　feel　as　if　I　had　loved　you　forever　and　you　had　e　back　to　…me　at　last。〃
　　
　　（Let's　get　away　from　that　subject；　Mama　Maureen。）　〃I'll　go　on　loving　you　forever；　my　darling。〃
　　
　　（Omitted）
　　
　　〃…told　her　bluntly　that　he　would　not　marry　her　if　she　made　any　fuss　over　his　joining　the　Army　when　he　didn't　have　to。〃　…
　　
　　〃What　did　Nancy　tell　him？'
　　
　　〃She　told　him　that　she　had　been　waiting　to　hear　that；　so　now　get　her　pregnant　at　once　so　they　could　have　a　few　days'　honeymoon　before　he　joined　up。　Nancy　feels　as　strongly　about　warriors　as　her　mother　…　does。　She　came　into　my　bedroom　that　night　and　told　me　what　she　had　done；　slightly　teary　but　not　worried　over　having　jumped　the　gun。
　　
　　〃So　we　cried　happy　tears；　and　I　cleared　the　matter　with　Brian　and　the　Weatherals；　and　Nancy　missed　her　next　period
　　
　　…this　was　a　month　ago…and　the　wedding　may　be　day　after　tomorrow　or　perhaps　the　day　after　that。〃
　　
　　（Omitted）　…
　　
　　〃Darling；　I　wish　I　could　see　you。〃
　　
　　〃Oh；　dear！　I'd　rather　not　turn　on　the　Mazda　lamp；　Theodore。　These　blinds　are　not　so　tight　but　what　light　would　shine　Out；　as　well　as　light　under　the　door　if　by　any　chance　Father　came　downstairs。〃
　　
　　〃Maureen；　I　will　never　ask　you　to　take　any　chance　you　don't　like。　I　see　you　quite　well　with　my　fingertips…and　these　are　not　broken　down。〃
　　
　　〃They　flow　off　my　ribs　like　melted　marshmallows。　Theogore；　when　you　open　that　package；　please　be　very　…　careful　that　no　one　…　is　around；　there　is　more　in　it　than　a　pair　of　garters。〃　…　…
　　
　　〃I　did　open　it。〃…
　　
　　〃Then　you　know　what　I　look　like。〃
　　
　　〃Was　that　beautiful　girl　you？〃
　　
　　〃Tease。　Brian　had　me　look　straight　at　his　camera。〃
　　
　　〃But；　darling；　while　you　don't　look　down　that　far；　men　don't　tend　to　look　up　very　far。　Especially　me。　Not　when　I'm　looking　at　a　photograph　of　a　perfectly　gorgeous　nude　model。〃
　　
　　〃'Nude　model；'　my　best　Sunday　hat！〃…
　　
　　〃Maureen；　it　is　the　loveliest　picture　I　have　ever　owned　and　I　will　cherish　it　always。〃
　　
　　〃That's　better　and　I　don't　believe　it　and　I　love　hearing　it。　Did　you　open　the　paper　folded　in　with　it？〃
　　
　　〃The　baby　curl？　Did　you　clip　it　off　Marie？'~
　　
　　〃Theodore；　I　do　not　mind　being　teased；　it　just　makes　you　more　like　Brian。　But　if　he　teases　too　much；　1　bite　him。　Anywhere。　Here；　for　example。〃
　　
　　'Hey；　not　so　hard！〃
　　
　　〃Then　tell　me　where　that　curl　came　from。〃
　　
　　〃It　came　from　your　pretty；　my　pretty　one；　and　I'll　wear　it　over　my　heart　forever。　But　one　reason　I　wanted　to　look　at　you　is　that　you　clipped　so　generous　a　lock　that　I　worried　that　Brian　might　notice　something　missing…and　ask　why。〃
　　
　　〃I　can　tell　him　I　gave　it　to　the　iceman。〃
　　
　　〃He　won't　believe　that　and　will　be　sure　that　you　have　a　new　adventure　to　confess。〃
　　
　　…〃Then　he　won't　press　me　to　tell　him　now；　he'll　change　the　subject。　Although　I　wish　I　could　tell　him　now；　I　keep　thinking　about　both　of　you；　outdoors　in　daylight；　that　was　the　fantasy　that　kept　me　awake。　Sweetheart；　there　is　a　candle　on　the　dresser…electricity　not　being　as　dependable　as　the　gas　lights　we　used　to　have。　It　wouldn't　throw　enough　light　to　worry　me。　Y）ou　may　look　at　me　by　candlelight　all　you　wish　and　as　you　wish。〃　…
　　
　　〃Yes；　darling！　Matches　where？〃
　　
　　〃Let　me　go　and　I'll　get　up　and　light　it；　I　can　find　both　in　the　dark。　Will　I　be　allowed　to　look　at　you；　too？〃
　　
　　…　〃Sure。　For　contrast。　'Beauty　and　the　Beast。'〃　…
　　
　　She　giggled　and　kissed　his　ear。　〃Goat；　maybe。　Or　a　stallion。　Theodore；　I　needed　to　be　baby…stretched　to　accept　you。〃
　　
　　〃I　thought　you　said　I　felt　like　Brian？〃　…
　　
　　〃But　he　is　a　stallion；　too。　Let　me　go。〃
　　
　　〃Pay　tojl。〃
　　
　　〃Oh；　goodness；　darling；　don't　do　that　now！　Or　I'll　be　so　shaky　I　won't　be　able　to　str…ike　a　match。〃
　　
　　Standing　and　by　the　light　on　one　candle；　they　studied　each　other。　Lazarus　felt　his　breath　grow　short　at　the　dazzling　glory　of　her。　For　most　of　two　years　A　had　been　deprived　of　the
　　
　　sweet　joy　of　seeing　a　woman；　and　had　not　realized　ho　starv鏳　he　had　been　for　that　great　privilege。　Darling；　can　y　guess　how　much　this　means　to　me？　Mama　Maureen；　has　one　ever　told　you　how　much　more　sweetly　beautiful　a　fu~　blown　woman　is　than　a　maiden？　Certainly　your　love　breasts　have　held　milk；　that's；　what　they're　for。　Why　wou
　　
　　…I　want　them　to　look　like　marble？…I　don't！
　　
　　She　studied　him　just　as　closely；　her　face　solemn；　h　nipples　crinkled　tightly。　Theodore…Lazarus　my　strange　by　will　you　guess　that　I　suggested　candlelight　so　that　I　cou　see　you？　A　woman　is　not　supposed　to　get　hungry　for　su　things…but　I　miss　the　sight；　the　naked　sight；　of　my　hu　band　。。　and　how　in　the　Name　of　Satan　and　all　His　Fall~　Thrones　I　can　last　even　till　November　without　even　seeii　a　man　I　do　not　know。　Alma　Bixby　told　me　that　she　ha　never　seen　her　husband　without　clothes。　How　can　a　woma　live　like　that？　Five　children　by　a　man　she's　never　seen　a　over…　Shocked　her　when　I　said　that　of　course　I　had　seen　ir　husband　naked！
　　
　　Theodore…Lazarus；　you　don't　look　like　my　Briney　Bo：
　　
　　your　coloration　is　more　like　mine。　But；　oh；　how　you　fe　like　him；　smell　like　him；　talk　like　him；　love　like　him！　Yo~　pretty　thing　is　ing　up　high　again。　Briney　beloved；　I'i　going　to　have　him　once　more；　as　hard　as　possible！…and　I'　tell　you　about　it　tomorrow　night　if　you'll　just　ask　me　fc　a　new　bedtime　story　。　。　or　if　I　must；　I'll　save　it　for　you　ti　you　get　back。　You're　as　strange　a　man　as　h~　is　。　。　and　jw　the　wise　and　tolerant　husband　your　bawdy　wife　needs。　Thea　cross　my　heart；　dearest；　I'll　try　my　best　to　keep　from　it　unt　you　e　back　from　Over　There…but　if　I　can't；　even；　wit　Father　and　eight　children　to　guard　me；　I　promise　you　so＇　emnly　that　I　will　never　bed　with　anyone　but　a　warrior；　a　ma　to　be　proud　of　in　every　way。　Such　as　this　strange　man。
　　
　　Lazarus；　my　love；　are　you　really　my　descendant？　I　do　be　lieve　that　you　know　when　the　war　will　be　over　and　that　m：
　　
　　Briney　will　e　…　safely　back　to　me。　Why；　I　am　not　sure…　but　since　you　told　me；　I　have　been　free　from　worry　for　thi　first　time　in　many　a　lonely　moon。　I　hope　the　rest　is　true；　too　I　want　to　believe　in　Tamara；　and　that　she　is　descended　fran　me。　BuU　don't　want　you　to　go　away　in　only　eight　years！
　　
　　That　innocent　little　picture…　If　I　had　not　feared　shockinl　you；　I　would　have　given　you　some　real　〃French　postcards'　Briney　has　taken　of　me。　Will　you　be　upset　if　I　take　a　closei　look？　I'll　chance　it。
　　
　　Mrs。　Smith　suddenly　dropped　to　one　knee；　looked　closely；　then　touched　him。　She　looked　up。　〃Now？〃
　　
　　〃Yes！〃　He　picked　her　up；　placed　her　on　the　bed。　Almost　solemn1~'　she　helped　him；　then　caught　her　breath　as　they　joined。　〃Hard；　Theodore！　This　time　don't　…　be　gentle！〃
　　
　　〃Yes；　my　beautiful　one！〃　…
　　
　　When　their　happy　violence　s；　not　talking；　muning　through　touch　and　the　light　of　one　candle。
　　
　　At　last　she　said；　〃I　must　go；　Theodore。　No；　don't　get　up；　just　let　me　'slide　out。〃　She　got　up；　picked　up　her　wrap；　blew　out　the　candle；　came　back；　leaned　down　and　kissed　him。　〃Thank　you；　Theodore…for　everything。　But…e　back　to　me；　e　back　to　me！〃
　　
　　〃I　will；　I　will！〃
　　
　　Quickly　and　silently　she　was　gone。
　　
　　CODA
　　
　　I
　　
　　…Somewhere　in　France
　　
　　Dear　All　my　Family；
　　
　　I　am　writing　this　in　my　pocket　diary　where　it　will　stay　until　this　war　is　over…not　that　it　matters；　you'll　get　it　just　as　soon。　But　I　can't　send　a　sealed　letter　now；　much　less　one　sealed　into　five　envelopes。　Something　called　〃censorship〃…which　means　that　every　letter　is　opened　and　read　and　anything　that　might　interest　the　Boche　is　cut　out。　Such　as　dates　and　places　and　designations　of　military　units　and　probably　what　1　had　for　breakfast。　（Beans　and　boiled　pork　and　fried　potatoes；　with　coffee　that　would　dissolve　a　spoon。）
　　
　　You　see；　I　had　this　lovely　ocean　voyage　as　a　guest　of　Uncle　Sam　and　am　now　in　the　land　of　fine　wines　and　beautiful　women。　（The　wine　has　been　yin　extremely　ordinaire；　and　they　seem　to　be　hiding　the　beautiful　women。　The　best…looking　one　Fve　seen　had　a　slight　mustache　and　very　hairy　legs；　which　I　could　have　ignored　had　I　not　made　the　mistake　of　standing　downwind。　Darlings；　I　am　not　sure　the　French　take　baths；　at　least　in　wartime。　But　I'm　in　no　position　to　criticize；　a　bath　is　a　luxury。　Today；　given　a　choice　between　a　beautiful
　　
　　…　woman　and　a　hot　bath；　I'd　pick　the　bath…otherwise　she　wouldn't　touch　me。）
　　
　　Don't　worry　that　I　am　now　in　a　〃war　zone。〃　That　you've　received　this　is　proof