简爱(英文版)-第28章

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s　boundless　and　trackless　waste；　into　the　safe　fold　of　mon　sense。
Arraigned　at　my　own　bar；　Memory　having　given　her　evidence　of　the　hopes；　wishes；　sentiments　I　had　been　cherishing　since　last　night—of　the　general　state　of　mind　in　which　I　had　indulged　for　nearly　a　fortnight　past；　Reason　having　e　forward　and　told；　in　her　own　quiet　way　a　plain；　unvarnished　tale；　showing　how　I　had　rejected　the　real；　and　rabidly　devoured　the　ideal；—I　pronounced　judgment　to　this　effect：—
That　a　greater　fool　than　Jane　Eyre　had　never　breathed　the　breath　of　life；　that　a　more　fantastic　idiot　had　never　surfeited　herself　on　sweet　lies；　and　swallowed　poison　as　if　it　were　nectar。
“You；”　I　said；　“a　favourite　with　Mr。　Rochester？　You　gifted　with　the　power　of　pleasing　him？　You　of　importance　to　him　in　any　way？　Go！　your　folly　sickens　me。　And　you　have　derived　pleasure　from　occasional　tokens　of　preference—equivocal　tokens　shown　by　a　gentleman　of　family　and　a　man　of　the　world　to　a　dependent　and　a　novice。　How　dared　you？　Poor　stupid　dupe！—Could　not　even　self…　interest　make　you　wiser？　You　repeated　to　yourself　this　morning　the　brief　scene　of　last　night？—Cover　your　face　and　be　ashamed！　He　said　something　in　praise　of　your　eyes；　did　he？　Blind　puppy！　Open　their　bleared　lids　and　look　on　your　own　accursed　senselessness！　It　does　good　to　no　woman　to　be　flattered　by　her　superior；　who　cannot　possibly　intend　to　marry　her；　and　it　is　madness　in　all　women　to　let　a　secret　love　kindle　within　them；　which；　if　unreturned　and　unknown；　must　devour　the　life　that　feeds　it；　and；　if　discovered　and　responded　to；　must　lead；　ignis…fatus…like；　into　miry　wilds　whence　there　is　no　extrication。
“Listen；　then；　Jane　Eyre；　to　your　sentence：　tomorrow；　place　the　glass　before　you；　and　draw　in　chalk　your　own　picture；　faithfully；　without　softening　one　defect；　omit　no　harsh　line；　smooth　away　no　displeasing　irregularity；　write　under　it；　‘Portrait　of　a　Governess；　disconnected；　poor；　and　plain。’
“Afterwards；　take　a　piece　of　smooth　ivory—you　have　one　prepared　in　your　drawing…box：　take　your　palette；　mix　your　freshest；　finest；　clearest　tints；　choose　your　most　delicate　camel…hair　pencils；　delineate　carefully　the　loveliest　face　you　can　imagine；　paint　it　in　your　softest　shades　and　sweetest　lines；　according　to　the　description　given　by　Mrs。　Fairfax　of　Blanche　Ingram；　remember　the　raven　ringlets；　the　oriental　eye；—What！　you　revert　to　Mr。　Rochester　as　a　model！　Order！　No　snivel！—no　sentiment！—no　regret！　I　will　endure　only　sense　and　resolution。　Recall　the　august　yet　harmonious　lineaments；　the　Grecian　neck　and　bust；　let　the　round　and　dazzling　arm　be　visible；　and　the　delicate　hand；　omit　neither　diamond　ring　nor　gold　bracelet；　portray　faithfully　the　attire；　aerial　lace　and　glistening　satin；　graceful　scarf　and　golden　rose；　call　it　‘Blanche；　an　acplished　lady　of　rank。’
“Whenever；　in　future；　you　should　chance　to　fancy　Mr。　Rochester　thinks　well　of　you；　take　out　these　two　pictures　and　pare　them：　say；　‘Mr。　Rochester　might　probably　win　that　noble　lady’s　love；　if　he　chose　to　strive　for　it；　is　it　likely　he　would　waste　a　serious　thought　on　this　indigent　and　insignificant　plebeian？’”
“I’ll　do　it；”　I　resolved：　and　having　framed　this　determination；　I　grew　calm；　and　fell　asleep。
I　kept　my　word。　An　hour　or　two　sufficed　to　sketch　my　own　portrait　in　crayons；　and　in　less　than　a　fortnight　I　had　pleted　an　ivory　miniature　of　an　imaginary　Blanche　Ingram。　It　looked　a　lovely　face　enough；　and　when　pared　with　the　real　head　in　chalk；　the　contrast　was　as　great　as　self…control　could　desire。　I　derived　benefit　from　the　task：　it　had　kept　my　head　and　hands　employed；　and　had　given　force　and　fixedness　to　the　new　impressions　I　wished　to　stamp　indelibly　on　my　heart。
Ere　long；　I　had　reason　to　congratulate　myself　on　the　course　of　wholesome　discipline　to　which　I　had　thus　forced　my　feelings　to　submit。　Thanks　to　it；　I　was　able　to　meet　subsequent　occurrences　with　a　decent　calm；　which；　had　they　found　me　unprepared；　I　should　probably　have　been　unequal　to　maintain；　even　externally。
Chapter　17
A　week　passed；　and　no　news　arrived　of　Mr。　Rochester：　ten　days；　and　still　he　did　not　e。　Mrs。　Fairfax　said　she　should　not　be　surprised　if　he　were　to　go　straight　from　the　Leas　to　London；　and　thence　to　the　Continent；　and　not　show　his　face　again　at　Thornfield　for　a　year　to　e；　he　had　not　unfrequently　quitted　it　in　a　manner　quite　as　abrupt　and　unexpected。　When　I　heard　this；　I　was　beginning　to　feel　a　strange　chill　and　failing　at　the　heart。　I　was　actually　permitting　myself　to　experience　a　sickening　sense　of　disappointment；　but　rallying　my　wits；　and　recollecting　my　principles；　I　at　once　called　my　sensations　to　order；　and　it　was　wonderful　how　I　got　over　the　temporary　blunder—how　I　cleared　up　the　mistake　of　supposing　Mr。　Rochester’s　movements　a　matter　in　which　I　had　any　cause　to　take　a　vital　interest。　Not　that　I　humbled　myself　by　a　slavish　notion　of　inferiority：　on　the　contrary；　I　just　said—
“You　have　nothing　to　do　with　the　master　of　Thornfield；　further　than　to　receive　the　salary　he　gives　you　for　teaching　his　protégée；　and　to　be　grateful　for　such　respectful　and　kind　treatment　as；　if　you　do　your　duty；　you　have　a　right　to　expect　at　his　hands。　Be　sure　that　is　the　only　tie　he　seriously　acknowledges　between　you　and　him；　so　don’t　make　him　the　object　of　your　fine　feelings；　your　raptures；　agonies；　and　so　forth。　He　is　not　of　your　order：　keep　to　your　caste；　and　be　too　self…respecting　to　lavish　the　love　of　the　whole　heart；　soul；　and　strength；　where　such　a　gift　is　not　wanted　and　would　be　despised。”
I　went　on　with　my　day’s　business　tranquilly；　but　ever　and　anon　vague　suggestions　kept　wandering　across　my　brain　of　reasons　why　I　should　quit　Thornfield；　and　I　kept　involuntarily　framing　advertisements　and　pondering　conjectures　about　new　situations：　these　thoughts　I　did　not　think　check；　they　might　germinate　and　bear　fruit　if　they　could。
Mr。　Rochester　had　been　absent　upwards　of　a　fortnight；　when　the　post　brought　Mrs。　Fairfax　a　letter。
“It　is　from　the　master；”　said　she；　as　she　looked　at　the　direction。　“Now　I　suppose　we　shall　know　whether　we　are　to　expect　his　return　or　not。”
And　while　she　broke　the　seal　and　perused　the　document；　I　went　on　taking　my　coffee　（we　were　at　breakfast）：　it　was　hot；　and　I　attributed　to　that　circumstance　a　fiery　glow　which　suddenly　rose　to　my　face。　Why　my　hand　shook；　and　why　I　involuntarily　spilt　half　the　contents　of　my　cup　into　my　saucer；　I　did　not　choose　to　consider。
“Well；　I　sometimes　think　we　are　too　quiet；　but　we　run　a　chance　of　being　busy　enough　now：　for　a　little　while　at　least；”　said　Mrs。　Fairfax；　still　holding　the　note　before　her　spectacles。
Ere　I　permitted　myself　to　request　an　explanation；　I　tied　the　string　of　Adèle’s　pinafore；　which　happened　to　be　loose：　having　helped　her　also　to　another　bun　and　refilled　her　mug　with　milk；　I　said；　nonchalantly—
“Mr。　Rochester　is　not　likely　to　return　soon；　I　suppose？”
“Indeed　he　is—in　three　days；　he　says：　that　will　be　next　Thursday；　and　not　alone　either。　I　don’t　know　how　many　of　the　fine　people　at　the　Leas　are　ing　with　him：　he　sends　directions　for　all　the　best　bedrooms　to　be　prepared；　and　the　library　and　drawing…rooms　are　to　be　cleaned　out；　I　am　to　get　more　kitchen　hands　from　the　George　Inn；　at　Millcote；　and　from　wherever　else　I　can；　and　the　ladies　will　bring　their　maids　and　the　gentlemen　their　valets：　so　we　shall　have　a　full　house　of　it。”　And　Mrs。　Fairfax　swallowed　her　breakfast　and　hastened　away　to　mence　operations。
The　three　days　were；　as　she　had　foretold；　busy　enough。　I　had　thought　all　the　rooms　at　Thornfield　beautifully　clean　and　well　arranged；　but　it　appears　I　was　mistaken。　Three　women　were　got　to　help；　and　such　scrubbing；　such　brushing；　such　washing　of　paint　and　beating　of　carpets；　such　taking　down　and　putting　up　of　pictures；　such　polishing　of　mirrors　and　lustres；　such　lighting　of　fires　in　bedrooms；　such　airing　of　sheets　and　feather…beds　on　hearths；　I　never　beheld；　either　before　or　since。　Adèle　ran　quite　wild　in　the　midst　of　it：　the　preparations　for　pany　and　the　prospect　of　their　arrival；　seemed　to　throw　her　into　ecstasies。　She　would　have　Sophie　to　look　over　all　her　“toilettes；”　as　she　called　frocks；　to　furbish　up　any　that　were　“passées；”　and　to　air　and　arrange　the　new。　For　herself；　she　did　nothing　but　caper　about　in　the　front　chambers；　jump　on　and　off　the　bedsteads；　and　lie　on　the　mattresses　and　piled…up　bolsters　and　pillows　before　the　enormous　fires　roaring　in　the　chimneys。　From　school　duties　she　was　exonerated：　Mrs。　Fairfax　had　pressed　me　into　her　service；　and　I　was　all　day　in　the　storeroom；　helping　（or　hindering）　her　and　the　cook；　learning　to　make　custards　and　cheese…cakes　and　French　pastry；　to　truss　game　and　garnish　desert…dishes。
The　party　were　expected　to　arrive　on　Thursday　afternoon；　in　time　for　dinner　at　six。　During　the　intervening　period　I　had　no　time　to　nurse　chimeras；　and　I　believe　I　was　as　active　and　gay　as　anybody—Adèle　excepted。　Still；　now　and　then；　I　received　a　damping　check　to　my　cheerfulness；　and　was；　in　spite　of　myself；　thrown　back　on　the　region　of　doubts　and　portents；　and　dark　conjectures。　This　was　when　I　chanced　to　see　the　third…storey　staircase　door　（which　of　late　had　always　been　kept　locked）　open　slowly；　and　give　passage　to　the　form　of　Grace　Poole；　in　prim　cap；　white　apron；　and　handkerchief；　when　I　watched　her　glide　along　the　gallery；　her　quiet　tread　muffled　in　a　list　slipper；　when　I　saw　her　look　into　the　bustling；　topsy…turvy　bedrooms；—just　say　a　word；　perhaps；　to　the　charwoman　about　the　proper　way　to　polish　a　grate；　or　clean　a　marble　mantelpiece；　or　take　stains　from　papered　walls；　and　then　pass　on。　She　would　thus　descend　to　the　kitchen　once　a　day；　eat　her　dinner；　smoke　a　moderate　pipe　on　the　hearth；　and　go　back；　carrying　her　pot　of　porter　with　her；　for　her　private　solace；　in　her　own　gloomy；　upper　haunt。　Only　one　hour　in　the　twenty…four　did　she　pass　with　her　fellow…servants　below；　all　the　rest　of　her　time　was　spent　in　some　low…ceiled；　oaken　chamber　of　the　second　storey：　there　she　sat　and　sewed—and　probably　laughed　drearily　to　herself；—as　panionless　as　a　prisoner　in　his　dungeon。
The　strangest　thing　of　all　was；　that　not　a　soul　in　the　house；　except　me；　noticed　her　habits；　or　seemed　to　marvel　at　them：　no　one　discussed　her　position　or　employment；　no　one　pitied　her　solitude　or　isolation。　I　once；　indeed；　overheard　part　of　a　dialogue　between　Leah　and　one　of　the　charwomen；　of　which　Grace　formed　the　subject。　Leah　had　been　saying　something　I　had　not　caught；　and　the　charwoman　remarked—
“She　gets　good　wages；　I　guess？”
“Yes；”　said　Leah；　“I　wish　I　had　as　good；　not　that　mine　are　to　plain　of；—there’s　no　stinginess　at　Thornfield；　but　they’re　not　one　fifth　of　the　sum　Mrs。　Poole　receives。　And　she　is　laying　by：　she　goes　every　quarter　to　the　bank　at　Millcote。　I　should　not　wonder　but　she　has　saved　enough　to　keep　her　independent　if　she　liked　to　leave；　but　I　suppose　she’s　got　used　to　the　place；　and　then　she’s　not　forty　yet；　and　strong　and　able　for　anything。　It　is　too　soon　for　her　to　give　up　business。”
“She　is　a　good　hand；　I　daresay；”　said　the　charwoman。
“Ah！—she　understands　what　she　has　to　do；—nobody　better；”　rejoined　Leah　significantly；　“and　it　is　not　every　one　could　fill　her　shoes—　not　for　all　the　money　she　gets。”
“That　it　is　not！”　was　the　reply。　“I　wonder　whether　the　master—”
The　charwoman　was　going　on；　but　here　Leah　turned　and　perceived　me；　and　she　instantly　gave　her　panion　a　nudge。
“Doesn’t　she　know？”　I　heard　the　woman　whisper。
Leah　shook　her　head；　and　the　conversation　was　of　course　dropped。　All　I　had　gathered　from　it　amounted　to　this；—that　there　was　a　mystery　at　Thornfield；　and　that　from　participation　in　that　mystery　I　was　purposely　excluded。
Thursday　came：　all　work　had　been　pleted　the　previous　evening；　carpets　were　laid　down；　bed…hangings　festooned；　radiant　white　counterpanes　spread；　toilet　tables　arranged；　furniture　rubbed；　flowers　piled　in　vases：　both　chambers　and　saloons　looked　as　fresh　and　bright　as　hands　could　make　them。　The　hall；　too；　was　scoured；　and　the　great　carved　clock；　as　well　as　the　steps　and　banisters　of　the　staircase；　were　polished　to　the　brightness　of　glass；　in　the　dining…room；　the　sideboard　flashed　resplendent　with　plate；　in　the　drawing…room　and　boudoir；　vases　of　exotics　bloomed　on　all　sides。
Afternoon　arrived：　Mrs。　Fairfax　assumed　her　best　black　satin　gown；　her　gloves；　and　her　gold　watch；　for　it　was　her　part　to　receive　the　pany；—to　conduct　the　ladies　to　their　rooms；　&c。　Adèle；　too；　would　be　dressed：　though　I　thought　she　had　little　chance　of　being　introduced　to　the　party　that　day　at　least。　However；　to　please　her；　I　allowed　Sophie　to　apparel　her　in　one　of　her　short；　full　muslin　frocks。　For　myself；　I　had　no　need　to　make　any　change；　I　should　not　be　called　upon　to　quit　my　sanctum　of　the　schoolroom；　for　a　sanctum　it　was　now　bee　to　me；—“a　very　pleasant　refuge　in　time　of　trouble。”
It　had　been　a　mild；　serene　spring　day—one　of　those　days　which；　towards　the　end　of　March　or　the　beginning　of　April；　rise　shining　over　the　earth　as　heralds　of　summer。　It　was　drawing　to　an　end　now；　but　the　evening　was　even　warm；　and　I　sat　at　work　in　the　schoolroom　with　the　window　open。
“It　gets　late；”　said　Mrs。　Fairfax；　entering　in　rustling　state。　“I　am　glad　I　ordered　dinner　an　hour　after　the　time　Mr。　Rochester　mentioned；　for　it　is　past　six　now。　I　have