简爱(英文版)-第45章

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wn。　After　a　brief　stay　there；　I　shall　bear　my　treasure　to　regions　nearer　the　sun：　to　French　vineyards　and　Italian　plains；　and　she　shall　see　whatever　is　famous　in　old　story　and　in　modern　record：　she　shall　taste；　too；　of　the　life　of　cities；　and　she　shall　learn　to　value　herself　by　just　parison　with　others。”
“Shall　I　travel？—and　with　you；　sir？”
“You　shall　sojourn　at　Paris；　Rome；　and　Naples：　at　Florence；　Venice；　and　Vienna：　all　the　ground　I　have　wandered　over　shall　be　re…trodden　by　you：　wherever　I　stamped　my　hoof；　your　sylph’s　foot　shall　step　also。　Ten　years　since；　I　flew　through　Europe　half　mad；　with　disgust；　hate；　and　rage　as　my　panions：　now　I　shall　revisit　it　healed　and　cleansed；　with　a　very　angel　as　my　forter。”
I　laughed　at　him　as　he　said　this。　“I　am　not　an　angel；”　I　asserted；　“and　I　will　not　be　one　till　I　die：　I　will　be　myself。　Mr。　Rochester；　you　must　neither　expect　nor　exact　anything　celestial　of　me—for　you　will　not　get　it；　any　more　than　I　shall　get　it　of　you：　which　I　do　not　at　all　anticipate。”
“What　do　you　anticipate　of　me？”
“For　a　little　while　you　will　perhaps　be　as　you　are　now；—a　very　little　while；　and　then　you　will　turn　cool；　and　then　you　will　be　capricious；　and　then　you　will　be　stern；　and　I　shall　have　much　ado　to　please　you：　but　when　you　get　well　used　to　me；　you　will　perhaps　like　me　again；—like　me；　I　say；　not　love　me。　I　suppose　your　love　will　effervesce　in　six　months；　or　less。　I　have　observed　in　books　written　by　men；　that　period　assigned　as　the　farthest　to　which　a　husband’s　ardour　extends。　Yet；　after　all；　as　a　friend　and　panion；　I　hope　never　to　bee　quite　distasteful　to　my　dear　master。”
“Distasteful！　and　like　you　again！　I　think　I　shall　like　you　again；　and　yet　again：　and　I　will　make　you　confess　I　do　not　only　like；　but　love　you—with　truth；　fervour；　constancy。”
“Yet　are　you　not　capricious；　sir？”
“To　women　who　please　me　only　by　their　faces；　I　am　the　very　devil　when　I　find　out　they　have　neither　souls　nor　hearts—when　they　open　to　me　a　perspective　of　flatness；　triviality；　and　perhaps　imbecility；　coarseness；　and　ill…temper：　but　to　the　clear　eye　and　eloquent　tongue；　to　the　soul　made　of　fire；　and　the　character　that　bends　but　does　not　break—at　once　supple　and　stable；　tractable　and　consistent—I　am　ever　tender　and　true。”
“Had　you　ever　experience　of　such　a　character；　sir？　Did　you　ever　love　such　an　one？”
“I　love　it　now。”
“But　before　me：　if　I；　indeed；　in　any　respect　e　up　to　your　difficult　standard？”
“I　never　met　your　likeness。　Jane；　you　please　me；　and　you　master　me—you　seem　to　submit；　and　I　like　the　sense　of　pliancy　you　impart；　and　while　I　am　twining　the　soft；　silken　skein　round　my　finger；　it　sends　a　thrill　up　my　arm　to　my　heart。　I　am　influenced—conquered；　and　the　influence　is　sweeter　than　I　can　express；　and　the　conquest　I　undergo　has　a　witchery　beyond　any　triumph　I　can　win。　Why　do　you　smile；　Jane？　What　does　that　inexplicable；　that　uncanny　turn　of　countenance　mean？”
“I　was　thinking；　sir　（you　will　excuse　the　idea；　it　was　involuntary）；　I　was　thinking　of　Hercules　and　Samson　with　their　charmers—”
“You　were；　you　little　elfish—”
“Hush；　sir！　You　don’t　talk　very　wisely　just　now；　any　more　than　those　gentlemen　acted　very　wisely。　However；　had　they　been　married；　they　would　no　doubt　by　their　severity　as　husbands　have　made　up　for　their　softness　as　suitors；　and　so　will　you；　I　fear。　I　wonder　how　you　will　answer　me　a　year　hence；　should　I　ask　a　favour　it　does　not　suit　your　convenience　or　pleasure　to　grant。”
“Ask　me　something　now；　Jane；—the　least　thing：　I　desire　to　be　entreated—”
“Indeed　I　will；　sir；　I　have　my　petition　all　ready。”
“Speak！　But　if　you　look　up　and　smile　with　that　countenance；　I　shall　swear　concession　before　I　know　to　what；　and　that　will　make　a　fool　of　me。”
“Not　at　all；　sir；　I　ask　only　this：　don’t　send　for　the　jewels；　and　don’t　crown　me　with　roses：　you　might　as　well　put　a　border　of　gold　lace　round　that　plain　pocket　handkerchief　you　have　there。”
“I　might　as　well　‘gild　refined　gold。’　I　know　it：　you　request　is　granted　then—for　the　time。　I　will　remand　the　order　I　despatched　to　my　banker。　But　you　have　not　yet　asked　for　anything；　you　have　prayed　a　gift　to　be　withdrawn：　try　again。”
“Well　then；　sir；　have　the　goodness　to　gratify　my　curiosity；　which　is　much　piqued　on　one　point。”
He　looked　disturbed。　“What？　what？”　he　said　hastily。　“Curiosity　is　a　dangerous　petition：　it　is　well　I　have　not　taken　a　vow　to　accord　every　request—”
“But　there　can　be　no　danger　in　plying　with　this；　sir。”
“Utter　it；　Jane：　but　I　wish　that　instead　of　a　mere　inquiry　into；　perhaps；　a　secret；　it　was　a　wish　for　half　my　estate。”
“Now；　King　Ahasuerus！　What　do　I　want　with　half　your　estate？　Do　you　think　I　am　a　Jew…usurer；　seeking　good　investment　in　land？　I　would　much　rather　have　all　your　confidence。　You　will　not　exclude　me　from　your　confidence　if　you　admit　me　to　your　heart？”
“You　are　wele　to　all　my　confidence　that　is　worth　having；　Jane；　but　for　God’s　sake；　don’t　desire　a　useless　burden！　Don’t　long　for　poison—don’t　turn　out　a　downright　Eve　on　my　hands！”
“Why　not；　sir？　You　have　just　been　telling　me　how　much　you　liked　to　be　conquered；　and　how　pleasant　over…persuasion　is　to　you。　Don’t　you　think　I　had　better　take　advantage　of　the　confession；　and　begin　and　coax　and　entreat—even　cry　and　be　sulky　if　necessary—for　the　sake　of　a　mere　essay　of　my　power？”
“I　dare　you　to　any　such　experiment。　Encroach；　presume；　and　the　game　is　up。”
“Is　it；　sir？　You　soon　give　in。　How　stern　you　look　now！　Your　eyebrows　have　bee　as　thick　as　my　finger；　and　your　forehead　resembles　what；　in　some　very　astonishing　poetry；　I　once　saw　styled；　‘a　blue…piled　thunderloft。’　That　will　be　your　married　look；　sir；　I　suppose？”
“If　that　will　be　your　married　look；　I；　as　a　Christian；　will　soon　give　up　the　notion　of　consorting　with　a　mere　sprite　or　salamander。　But　what　had　you　to　ask；　thing；—out　with　it？”
“There；　you　are　less　than　civil　now；　and　I　like　rudeness　a　great　deal　better　than　flattery。　I　had　rather　be　a　thing　than　an　angel。　This　is　what　I　have　to　ask；—Why　did　you　take　such　pains　to　make　me　believe　you　wished　to　marry　Miss　Ingram？”
“Is　that　all？　Thank　God　it　is　no　worse！”　And　now　he　unknit　his　black　brows；　looked　down；　smiling　at　me；　and　stroked　my　hair；　as　if　well　pleased　at　seeing　a　danger　averted。　“I　think　I　may　confess；”　he　continued；　“even　although　I　should　make　you　a　little　indignant；　Jane—and　I　have　seen　what　a　fire…spirit　you　can　be　when　you　are　indignant。　You　glowed　in　the　cool　moonlight　last　night；　when　you　mutinied　against　fate；　and　claimed　your　rank　as　my　equal。　Ja；　by…the…bye；　it　was　you　who　made　me　the　offer。”
“Of　course　I　did。　But　to　the　point　if　you　please；　sir—Miss　Ingram？”
“Well；　I　feigned　courtship　of　Miss　Ingram；　because　I　wished　to　render　you　as　madly　in　love　with　me　as　I　was　with　you；　and　I　knew　jealousy　would　be　the　best　ally　I　could　call　in　for　the　furtherance　of　that　end。”
“Excellent！　Now　you　are　small—not　one　whit　bigger　than　the　end　of　my　little　finger。　It　was　a　burning　shame　and　a　scandalous　disgrace　to　act　in　that　way。　Did　you　think　nothing　of　Miss　Ingram’s　feelings；　sir？”
“Her　feelings　are　concentrated　in　one—pride；　and　that　needs　humbling。　Were　you　jealous；　Jane？”
“Never　mind；　Mr。　Rochester：　it　is　in　no　way　interesting　to　you　to　know　that。　Answer　me　truly　once　more。　Do　you　think　Miss　Ingram　will　not　suffer　from　your　dishonest　coquetry？　Won’t　she　feel　forsaken　and　deserted？”
“Impossible！—when　I　told　you　how　she；　on　the　contrary；　deserted　me：　the　idea　of　my　insolvency　cooled；　or　rather　extinguished；　her　flame　in　a　moment。”
“You　have　a　curious；　designing　mind；　Mr。　Rochester。　I　am　afraid　your　principles　on　some　points　are　eccentric。”
“My　principles　were　never　trained；　Jane：　they　may　have　grown　a　little　awry　for　want　of　attention。”
“Once　again；　seriously；　may　I　enjoy　the　great　good　that　has　been　vouchsafed　to　me；　without　fearing　that　any　one　else　is　suffering　the　bitter　pain　I　myself　felt　a　while　ago？”
“That　you　may；　my　good　little　girl：　there　is　not　another　being　in　the　world　has　the　same　pure　love　for　me　as　yourself—for　I　lay　that　pleasant　unction　to　my　soul；　Jane；　a　belief　in　your　affection。”
I　turned　my　lips　to　the　hand　that　lay　on　my　shoulder。　I　loved　him　very　much—more　than　I　could　trust　myself　to　say—more　than　words　had　power　to　express。
“Ask　something　more；”　he　said　presently；　“it　is　my　delight　to　be　entreated；　and　to　yield。”
I　was　again　ready　unicate　your　intentions　to　Mrs。　Fairfax；　sir：　she　saw　me　with　you　last　night　in　the　hall；　and　she　was　shocked。　Give　her　some　explanation　before　I　see　her　again。　It　pains　me　to　be　misjudged　by　so　good　a　woman。”
“Go　to　your　room；　and　put　on　your　bon；”　he　replied。　“I　mean　you　to　acpany　me　to　Millcote　this　morning；　and　while　you　prepare　for　the　drive；　I　will　enlighten　the　old　lady’s　understanding。　Did　she　think；　Ja；　you　had　given　the　world　for　love；　and　considered　it　well　lost？”
“I　believe　she　thought　I　had　forgotten　my　station；　and　yours；　sir。”
“Station！　station！—your　station　is　in　my　heart；　and　on　the　necks　of　those　who　would　insult　you；　now　or　hereafter。—Go。”
I　was　soon　dressed；　and　when　I　heard　Mr。　Rochester　quit　Mrs。　Fairfax’s　parlour；　I　hurried　down　to　it。　The　old　lady；　had　been　reading　her　morning　portion　of　Scripture—the　Lesson　for　the　day；　her　Bible　lay　open　before　her；　and　her　spectacles　were　upon　it。　Her　occupation；　suspended　by　Mr。　Rochester’s　announcement；　seemed　now　forgotten：　her　eyes；　fixed　on　the　blank　wall　opposite；　expressed　the　surprise　of　a　quiet　mind　stirred　by　unwonted　tidings。　Seeing　me；　she　roused　herself：　she　made　a　sort　of　effort　to　smile；　and　framed　a　few　words　of　congratulation；　but　the　smile　expired；　and　the　sentence　was　abandoned　unfinished。　She　put　up　her　spectacles；　shut　the　Bible；　and　pushed　her　chair　back　from　the　table。
“I　feel　so　astonished；”　she　began；　“I　hardly　know　what　to　say　to　you；　Miss　Eyre。　I　have　surely　not　been　dreaming；　have　I？　Sometimes　I　half　fall　asleep　when　I　am　sitting　alone　and　fancy　things　that　have　never　happened。　It　has　seemed　to　me　more　than　once　when　I　have　been　in　a　doze；　that　my　dear　husband；　who　died　fifteen　years　since；　has　e　in　and　sat　down　beside　me；　and　that　I　have　even　heard　him　call　me　by　my　name；　Alice；　as　he　used　to　do。　Now；　can　you　tell　me　whether　it　is　actually　true　that　Mr。　Rochester　has　asked　you　to　marry　him？　Don’t　laugh　at　me。　But　I　really　thought　he　came　in　here　five　minutes　ago；　and　said　that　in　a　month　you　would　be　his　wife。”
“He　has　said　the　same　thing　to　me；”　I　replied。
“He　has！　Do　you　believe　him？　Have　you　accepted　him？”
“Yes。”
She　looked　at　me　bewildered。　“I　could　never　have　thought　it。　He　is　a　proud　man：　all　the　Rochesters　were　proud：　and　his　father；　at　least；　liked　money。　He；　too；　has　always　been　called　careful。　He　means　to　marry　you？”
“He　tells　me　so。”
She　surveyed　my　whole　person：　in　her　eyes　I　read　that　they　had　there　found　no　charm　powerful　enough　to　solve　the　enigma。
“It　passes　me！”　she　continued；　“but　no　doubt；　it　is　true　since　you　say　so。　How　it　will　answer；　I　cannot　tell：　I　really　don’t　know。　Equality　of　position　and　fortune　is　often　advisable　in　such　cases；　and　there　are　twenty　years　of　difference　in　your　ages。　He　might　almost　be　your　father。”
“No；　indeed；　Mrs。　Fairfax！”　exclaimed　I；　tled；　“he　is　nothing　like　my　father！　No　one；　who　saw　us　together；　would　suppose　it　for　an　instant。　Mr。　Rochester　looks　as　young；　and　is　as　young；　as　some　men　at　five…and…twenty。”
“Is　it　really　for　love　he　is　going　to　marry　you？”　she　asked。
I　was　so　hurt　by　her　coldness　and　scepticism；　that　the　tears　rose　to　my　eyes。
“I　am　sorry　to　grieve　you；”　pursued　the　widow；　“but　you　are　so　young；　and　so　little　acquainted　with　men；　I　wished　to　put　you　on　your　guard。　It　is　an　old　saying　that　‘all　is　not　gold　that　glitters；’　and　in　this　case　I　do　fear　there　will　be　something　found　to　be　different　to　what　either　you　or　I　expect。”
“Why？—am　I　a　monster？”　I　said：　“is　it　impossible　that　Mr。　Rochester　should　have　a　sincere　affection　for　me？”
“No：　you　are　very　well；　and　much　improved　of　late；　and　Mr。　Rochester；　I　daresay；　is　fond　of　you。　I　have　always　noticed　that　you　were　a　sort　of　pet　of　his。　There　are　times　when；　for　your　sake；　I　have　been　a　little　uneasy　at　his　marked　preference；　and　have　wished　to　put　you　on　your　guard：　but　I　did　not　like　to　suggest　even　the　possibility　of　wrong。　I　knew　such　an　idea　would　shock；　perhaps　offend　you；　and　you　were　so　discreet；　and　so　thoroughly　modest　and　sensible；　I　hoped　you　might　be　trusted　to　protect　yourself。　　night　I　cannot　tell　you　what　I　suffered　when　I　sought　all　over　the　house；　and　could　find　you　nowhere；　nor　the　master　either；　and　then；　at　twelve　o’clock；　saw　you　e　in　with　him。”
“Well；　never　mind　that　now；”　I　interrupted　impatiently；　“it　is　enough　that　all　was　right。”
“I　hope　all　will　be　right　in　the　end；”　she　said：　“but　believe　me；　you　cannot　be　too　careful。　Try　and　keep　Mr。　Rochester　at　a　distance：　distrust　yourself　as　well　as　him。　Gentlemen　in　his　station　are　not　accustomed　to　marry　their　governesses。”
I　was　growing　truly　irritated：　happily；　Adèle　ran　in。
“Let　me　go；—let　me　go　to　Millcote　too！”　she　cried。　“Mr。　Rochester　won’t：　though　there　is　so　much　room　in　the　new　carriage。　Beg　him　to　let　me　go　mademoiselle。”
“That　I