简爱(英文版)-第5章

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him　like　a　mad　cat：　he　was　stopped　rather　harshly—
“Don’t　talk　to　me　about　her；　John：　I　told　you　not　to　go　near　her；　she　is　not　worthy　of　notice；　I　do　not　choose　that　either　you　or　your　sisters　should　associate　with　her。”
Here；　leaning　over　the　banister；　I　cried　out　suddenly；　and　without　at　all　deliberating　on　my　words—
“They　are　not　fit　to　associate　with　me。”
Mrs。　Reed　was　rather　a　stout　woman；　but；　on　hearing　this　strange　and　audacious　declaration；　she　ran　nimbly　up　the　stair；　swept　me　like　a　whirlwind　into　the　nursery；　and　crushing　me　down　on　the　edge　of　my　crib；　dared　me　in　an　emphatic　voice　to　rise　from　that　place；　or　utter　one　syllable　during　the　remainder　of　the　day。
“What　would　Uncle　Reed　say　to　you；　if　he　were　alive？”　was　my　scarcely　voluntary　demand。　I　say　scarcely　voluntary；　for　it　seemed　as　if　my　tongue　pronounced　words　without　my　will　consenting　to　their　utterance：　something　spoke　out　of　me　over　which　I　had　no　control。
“What？”　said　Mrs。　Reed　under　her　breath：　her　usually　cold　posed　grey　eye　became　troubled　with　a　look　like　fear；　she　took　her　hand　from　my　arm；　and　gazed　at　me　as　if　she　really　did　not　know　whether　I　were　child　or　fiend。　I　was　now　in　for　it。
“My　Uncle　Reed　is　in　heaven；　and　can　see　all　you　do　and　think；　and　so　can　papa　and　mama：　they　know　how　you　shut　me　up　all　day　long；　and　how　you　wish　me　dead。”
Mrs。　Reed　soon　rallied　her　spirits：　she　shook　me　most　soundly；　she　boxed　both　my　ears；　and　then　left　me　without　a　word。　Bessie　supplied　the　hiatus　by　a　homily　of　an　hour’s　length；　in　which　she　proved　beyond　a　doubt　that　I　was　the　most　wicked　and　abandoned　child　ever　reared　under　a　roof。　I　half　believed　her；　for　I　felt　indeed　only　bad　feelings　surging　in　my　breast。
November；　December；　and　half　of　January　passed　away。　Christmas　and　the　New　Year　had　been　celebrated　at　Gateshead　with　the　usual　festive　cheer；　presents　had　been　interchanged；　dinners　and　evening　parties　given。　From　every　enjoyment　I　was；　of　course；　excluded：　my　share　of　the　gaiety　consisted　in　witnessing　the　daily　apparelling　of　Eliza　and　Georgiana；　and　seeing　them　descend　to　the　drawing…room；　dressed　out　in　thin　muslin　frocks　and　scarlet　sashes；　with　hair　elaborately　ringletted；　and　afterwards；　in　listening　to　the　sound　of　the　piano　or　the　harp　played　below；　to　the　passing　to　and　fro　of　the　butler　and　footman；　to　the　jingling　of　glass　and　china　as　refreshments　were　handed；　to　the　broken　hum　of　conversation　as　the　drawing…room　door　opened　and　closed。　When　tired　of　this　occupation；　I　would　retire　from　the　stairhead　to　the　solitary　and　silent　nursery：　there；　though　somewhat　sad；　I　was　not　miserable。　To　speak　truth；　I　had　not　the　least　wish　to　go　into　pany；　for　in　pany　I　was　very　rarely　noticed；　and　if　Bessie　had　but　been　kind　and　panionable；　I　should　have　deemed　it　a　treat　to　spend　the　evenings　quietly　with　her；　instead　of　passing　them　under　the　formidable　eye　of　Mrs。　Reed；　in　a　room　full　of　ladies　and　gentlemen。　But　Bessie；　as　soon　as　she　had　dressed　her　young　ladies；　used　to　take　herself　off　to　the　lively　regions　of　the　kitchen　and　housekeeper’s　room；　generally　bearing　the　candle　along　with　her。　I　then　sat　with　my　doll　on　my　knee　till　the　fire　got　low；　glancing　round　occasionally　to　make　sure　that　nothing　worse　than　myself　haunted　the　shadowy　room；　and　when　the　embers　sank　to　a　dull　red；　I　undressed　hastily；　tugging　at　knots　and　strings　as　I　best　might；　and　sought　shelter　from　cold　and　darkness　in　my　crib。　To　this　crib　I　always　took　my　doll；　human　beings　must　love　something；　and；　in　the　dearth　of　worthier　objects　of　affection；　I　contrived　to　find　a　pleasure　in　loving　and　cherishing　a　faded　graven　image；　shabby　as　a　miniature　scarecrow。　It　puzzles　me　now　to　remember　with　what　absurd　sincerity　I　doated　on　this　little　toy；　half　fancying　it　alive　and　capable　of　sensation。　I　could　not　sleep　unless　it　was　folded　in　my　night…gown；　and　when　it　lay　there　safe　and　warm；　I　was　paratively　happy；　believing　it　to　be　happy　likewise。
Long　did　the　hours　seem　while　I　waited　the　departure　of　the　pany；　and　listened　for　the　sound　of　Bessie’s　step　on　the　stairs：　sometimes　she　would　e　up　in　the　interval　to　seek　her　thimble　or　her　scissors；　or　perhaps　to　bring　me　something　by　way　of　supper—a　bun　or　a　cheese…cake—then　she　would　sit　on　the　bed　while　I　ate　it；　and　when　I　had　finished；　she　would　tuck　the　clothes　round　me；　and　twice　she　kissed　me；　and　said；　“Good　night；　Miss　Jane。”　When　thus　gentle；　Bessie　seemed　to　me　the　best；　prettiest；　kindest　being　in　the　world；　and　I　wished　most　intensely　that　she　would　always　be　so　pleasant　and　amiable；　and　never　push　me　about；　or　scold；　or　task　me　unreasonably；　as　she　was　too　often　wont　to　do。　Bessie　Lee　must；　I　think；　have　been　a　girl　of　good　natural　capacity；　for　she　was　smart　in　all　she　did；　and　had　a　remarkable　knack　of　narrative；　so；　at　least；　I　judge　from　the　impression　made　on　me　by　her　nursery　tales。　She　was　pretty　too；　if　my　recollections　of　her　face　and　person　are　correct。　I　remember　her　as　a　slim　young　woman；　with　black　hair；　dark　eyes；　very　nice　features；　and　good；　clear　plexion；　but　she　had　a　capricious　and　hasty　temper；　and　indifferent　ideas　of　principle　or　justice：　still；　such　as　she　was；　I　preferred　her　to　any　one　else　at　Gateshead　Hall。
It　was　the　fifteenth　of　January；　about　nine　o’clock　in　the　morning：　Bessie　was　gone　down　to　breakfast；　my　cousins　had　not　yet　been　summoned　to　their　mama；　Eliza　was　putting　on　her　bon　and　warm　garden…coat　to　go　and　feed　her　poultry；　an　occupation　of　which　she　was　fond：　and　not　less　so　of　selling　the　eggs　to　the　housekeeper　and　hoarding　up　the　money　she　thus　obtained。　She　had　a　turn　for　traffic；　and　a　marked　propensity　for　saving；　shown　not　only　in　the　vending　of　eggs　and　chickens；　but　also　in　driving　hard　bargains　with　the　gardener　about　flower…roots；　seeds；　and　slips　of　plants；　that　functionary　having　orders　from　Mrs。　Reed　to　buy　of　his　young　lady　all　the　products　of　her　parterre　she　wished　to　sell：　and　Eliza　would　have　sold　the　hair　off　her　head　if　she　could　have　made　a　handsome　profit　thereby。　As　to　her　money；　she　first　secreted　it　in　odd　corners；　wrapped　in　a　rag　or　an　old　curl…paper；　but　some　of　these　hoards　having　been　discovered　by　the　housemaid；　Eliza；　fearful　of　one　day　losing　her　valued　treasure；　consented　to　intrust　it　to　her　mother；　at　a　usurious　rate　of　interest—fifty　or　sixty　per　cent。；　which　interest　she　exacted　every　quarter；　keeping　her　accounts　in　a　little　book　with　anxious　accuracy。
Georgiana　sat　on　a　high　stool；　dressing　her　hair　at　the　glass；　and　interweaving　her　curls　with　artificial　flowers　and　faded　feathers；　of　which　she　had　found　a　store　in　a　drawer　in　the　attic。　I　was　making　my　bed；　having　received　strict　orders　from　Bessie　to　get　it　arranged　before　she　returned　（for　Bessie　noe　as　a　sort　of　under…nurserymaid；　to　tidy　the　room；　dust　the　chairs；　&c。）。　Having　spread　the　quilt　and　folded　my　night…dress；　I　went　to　the　window…seat　to　put　in　order　some　picture…books　and　doll’s　house　furniture　scattered　there；　an　abrupt　mand　from　Georgiana　to　let　her　playthings　alone　（for　the　tiny　chairs　and　mirrors；　the　fairy　plates　and　cups；　were　her　property）　stopped　my　proceedings；　and　then；　for　lack　of　other　occupation；　I　fell　to　breathing　on　the　frost…flowers　with　which　the　window　was　fretted；　and　thus　clearing　a　space　in　the　glass　through　which　I　might　look　out　on　the　grounds；　where　all　was　still　and　petrified　under　the　influence　of　a　hard　frost。
From　this　window　were　visible　the　porter’s　lodge　and　the　carriage…　road；　and　just　as　I　had　dissolved　so　much　of　the　silver…white　foliage　veiling　the　panes　as　left　room　to　look　out；　I　saw　the　gates　thrown　open　and　a　carriage　roll　through。　I　watched　it　ascending　the　drive　with　indifference；　carriages　often　came　to　Gateshead；　but　none　ever　brought　visitors　in　whom　I　was　interested；　it　stopped　in　front　of　the　house；　the　door…bell　rang　loudly；　the　new…er　was　admitted。　All　this　being　nothing　to　me；　my　vacant　attention　soon　found　livelier　attraction　in　the　spectacle　of　a　little　hungry　robin；　which　came　and　chirruped　on　the　twigs　of　the　leafless　cherry…tree　nailed　against　the　wall　near　the　casement。　The　remains　of　my　breakfast　of　bread　and　milk　stood　on　the　table；　and　having　crumbled　a　morsel　of　roll；　I　was　tugging　at　the　sash　to　put　out　the　crumbs　on　the　window…　sill；　when　Bessie　came　running　upstairs　into　the　nursery。
“Miss　Jane；　take　off　your　pinafore；　what　are　you　doing　there？　Have　you　washed　your　hands　and　face　this　morning？”　I　gave　another　tug　before　I　answered；　for　I　wanted　the　bird　to　be　secure　of　its　bread：　the　sash　yielded；　I　scattered　the　crumbs；　some　on　the　stone　sill；　some　on　the　cherry…tree　bough；　then；　closing　the　window；　I　replied—
“No；　Bessie；　I　have　only　just　finished　dusting。”
“Troublesome；　careless　child！　and　what　are　you　doing　now？　You　look　quite　red；　as　if　you　had　been　about　some　mischief：　what　were　you　opening　the　window　for？”
I　was　spared　the　trouble　of　answering；　for　Bessie　seemed　in　too　great　a　hurry　to　listen　to　explanations；　she　hauled　me　to　the　washstand；　inflicted　a　merciless；　but　happily　brief　scrub　on　my　face　and　hands　with　soap；　water；　and　a　coarse　towel；　disciplined　my　head　with　a　bristly　brush；　denuded　me　of　my　pinafore；　and　then　hurrying　me　to　the　top　of　the　stairs；　bid　me　go　down　directly；　as　I　was　wanted　in　the　breakfast…room。
I　would　have　asked　who　wanted　me：　I　would　have　demanded　if　Mrs。　Reed　was　there；　but　Bessie　was　already　gone；　and　had　closed　the　nursery…door　upon　me。　I　slowly　descended。　For　nearly　three　months；　I　had　never　been　called　to　Mrs。　Reed’s　presence；　restricted　so　long　to　the　nursery；　the　breakfast；　dining；　and　drawing…rooms　were　bee　for　me　awful　regions；　on　which　it　dismayed　me　to　intrude。
I　now　stood　in　the　empty　hall；　before　me　was　the　breakfast…room　door；　and　I　stopped；　intimidated　and　trembling。　What　a　miserable　little　poltroon　had　fear；　engendered　of　unjust　punishment；　made　of　me　in　those　days！　I　feared　to　return　to　the　nursery；　and　feared　to　go　forward　to　the　parlour；　ten　minutes　I　stood　in　agitated　hesitation；　the　vehement　ringing　of　the　breakfast…room　bell　decided　me；　I　must　enter。
“Who　could　want　me？”　I　asked　inwardly；　as　with　both　hands　I　turned　the　stiff　door…handle；　which；　for　a　second　or　two；　resisted　my　efforts。　“What　should　I　see　besides　Aunt　Reed　in　the　apartment？—a　man　or　a　woman？”　The　handle　turned；　the　door　unclosed；　and　passing　through　and　curtseying　low；　I　looked　up　at—a　black　pillar！—such；　at　least；　appeared　to　me；　at　first　sight；　the　straight；　narrow；　sable…clad　shape　standing　erect　on　the　rug：　the　grim　face　at　the　top　was　like　a　carved　mask；　placed　above　the　shaft　by　way　of　capital。
Mrs。　Reed　occupied　her　usual　seat　by　the　fireside；　she　made　a　signal　to　me　to　approach；　I　did　so；　and　she　introduced　me　to　the　stony　stranger　with　the　words：　“This　is　the　little　girl　respecting　whom　I　applied　to　you。”
HE；　for　it　was　a　man；　turned　his　head　slowly　towards　where　I　stood；　and　having　examined　me　with　the　two　inquisitive…looking　grey　eyes　which　twinkled　under　a　pair　of　bushy　brows；　said　solemnly；　and　in　a　bass　voice；　“Her　size　is　small：　what　is　her　age？”
“Ten　years。”
“So　much？”　was　the　doubtful　answer；　and　he　prolonged　his　scrutiny　for　some　minutes。　Presently　he　addressed　me—“Your　name；　little　girl？”
“Jane　Eyre；　sir。”
In　uttering　these　words　I　looked　up：　he　seemed　to　me　a　tall　gentleman；　but　then　I　was　very　little；　his　features　were　large；　and　they　and　all　the　lines　of　his　frame　。
“Well；　Jane　Eyre；　and　are　you　a　good　child？”
Impossible　to　reply　to　this　in　the　affirmative：　my　little　world　held　a　contrary　opinion：　I　was　silent。　Mrs。　Reed　answered　for　me　by　an　expressive　shake　of　the　head；　adding　soon；　“Perhaps　the　less　said　on　that　subject　the　better；　Mr。　Brocklehurst。”
“Sorry　indeed　to　hear　it！　she　and　I　must　have　some　talk；”　and　bending　from　the　perpendicular；　he　installed　his　person　in　the　arm…　chair　opposite　Mrs。　Reed’s。　“e　here；”　he　said。
I　stepped　across　the　rug；　he　placed　me　square　and　straight　before　him。　What　a　face　he　had；　now　that　it　was　almost　on　a　level　with　mine！　what　a　great　nose！　and　what　a　mouth！　and　what　large　prominent　teeth！
“No　sight　so　sad　as　that　of　a　naughty　child；”　he　began；　“especially　a　naughty　little　girl。　Do　you　know　where　the　wicked　go　after　death？”
“They　go　to　hell；”　was　my　ready　and　orthodox　answer。
“And　what　is　hell？　Can　you　tell　me　that？”
“A　pit　full　of　fire。”
“And　should　you　like　to　fall　into　that　pit；　and　to　be　burning　there　for　ever？”
“No；　sir。”
“What　must　you　do　to　avoid　it？”
I　deliberated　a　moment；　my　answer；　when　it　did　e；　was　objectionable：　“I　must　keep　in　good　health；　and　not　die。”
“How　can　you　keep　in　good　health？　Children　younger　than　you　die　daily。　I　buried　a　little　child　of　five　years　old　only　a　day　or　two　since；—a　good　little　child；　whose　soul　is　now　in　heaven。　It　is　to　be　feared　the　same　could　not　be　said　of　you　were　you　to　be　called　hence。”
Not　being　in　a　condition　to　remove　his　doubt；　I　only　cast　my　eyes　down　on　the　two　large　feet　planted　on　the　rug；　and　sighed；　wishing　myself　far　enough　away。
“I　hope　that　sigh　is　from　the　heart；　and　that　you　repent　of　ever　having　been　the　occasion　of　disfort　to　your　excellent　benefactress。”
“Benefactress！　benefactress！”　said　I　inwardly：　“they　all　call　Mrs。　Reed　my　benefactress；　if　so；　a　benefact