简爱(英文版)-第67章

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　it　by　his　own　efforts；　he　was　free　to　leave　it　to　whom　he　would：　he　left　it　to　you。　After　all；　justice　permits　you　to　keep　it：　you　may；　with　a　clear　conscience；　consider　it　absolutely　your　own。”
“With　me；”　said　I；　“it　is　fully　as　much　a　matter　of　feeling　as　of　conscience：　I　must　indulge　my　feelings；　I　so　seldom　have　had　an　opportunity　of　doing　so。　Were　you　to　argue；　object；　and　annoy　me　for　a　year；　I　could　not　forego　the　delicious　pleasure　of　which　I　have　caught　a　glimpse—that　of　repaying；　in　part；　a　mighty　obligation；　and　winning　to　myself　lifelong　friends。”
“You　think　so　now；”　rejoined　St。　John；　“because　you　do　not　know　what　it　is　to　possess；　nor　consequently　to　enjoy　wealth：　you　cannot　form　a　notion　of　the　importance　twenty　thousand　pounds　would　give　you；　of　the　place　it　would　enable　you　to　take　in　society；　of　the　prospects　it　would　open　to　you：　you　cannot—”
“And　you；”　I　interrupted；　“cannot　at　all　imagine　the　craving　I　have　for　fraternal　and　sisterly　love。　I　never　had　a　home；　I　never　had　brothers　or　sisters；　I　must　and　will　have　them　now：　you　are　not　reluctant　to　admit　me　and　own　me；　are　you？”
“Jane；　I　will　be　your　brother—my　sisters　will　be　your　sisters—　without　stipulating　for　this　sacrifice　of　your　just　rights。”
“Brother？　Yes；　at　the　distance　of　a　thousand　leagues！　Sisters？　Yes；　slaving　amongst　strangers！　I；　wealthy—gorged　with　gold　I　never　earned　and　do　not　merit！　You；　penniless！　Famous　equality　and　fraternisation！　Close　union！　Intimate　attachment！”
“But；　Jane；　your　aspirations　after　family　ties　and　domestic　happiness　may　be　realised　otherwise　than　by　the　means　you　contemplate：　you　may　marry。”
“Nonsense；　again！　Marry！　I　don’t　want　to　marry；　and　never　shall　marry。”
“That　is　saying　too　much：　such　hazardous　affirmations　are　a　proof　of　the　excitement　under　which　you　labour。”
“It　is　not　saying　too　much：　I　know　what　I　feel；　and　how　averse　are　my　inclinations　to　the　bare　thought　of　marriage。　No　one　would　take　me　for　love；　and　I　will　not　be　regarded　in　the　light　of　a　mere　money　speculation。　And　I　do　not　want　a　stranger—unsympathising；　alien；　different　from　me；　I　want　my　kindred：　those　with　whom　I　have　full　fellow…feeling。　Say　again　you　will　be　my　brother：　when　you　uttered　the　words　I　was　satisfied；　happy；　repeat　them；　if　you　can；　repeat　them　sincerely。”
“I　think　I　can。　I　know　I　have　always　loved　my　own　sisters；　and　I　know　on　what　my　affection　for　them　is　grounded；—respect　for　their　worth　and　admiration　of　their　talents。　You　too　have　principle　and　mind：　your　tastes　and　habits　resemble　Diana’s　and　Mary’s；　your　presence　is　always　agreeable　to　me；　in　your　conversation　I　have　already　for　some　time　found　a　salutary　solace。　I　feel　I　can　easily　and　naturally　make　room　in　my　heart　for　you；　as　my　third　and　youngest　sister。”
“Thank　you：　that　contents　me　for　to…night。　Now　you　had　better　go；　for　if　you　stay　longer；　you　will　perhaps　irritate　me　afresh　by　some　mistrustful　scruple。”
“And　the　school；　Miss　Eyre？　It　must　now　be　shut　up；　I　suppose？”
“No。　I　will　retain　my　post　of　mistress　till　you　get　a　substitute。”
He　smiled　approbation：　we　shook　hands；　and　he　took　leave。
I　need　not　narrate　in　detail　the　further　struggles　I　had；　and　arguments　I　used；　to　get　matters　regarding　the　legacy　settled　as　I　wished。　My　task　was　a　very　hard　one；　but；　as　I　was　absolutely　resolved—as　my　cousins　saw　at　length　that　my　mind　was　really　and　immutably　fixed　on　making　a　just　division　of　the　property—as　they　must　in　their　own　hearts　have　felt　the　equity　of　the　intention；　and　must；　besides；　have　been　innately　conscious　that　in　my　place　they　would　have　done　precisely　what　I　wished　to　do—they　yielded　at　length　so　far　as　to　consent　to　put　the　affair　to　arbitration。　The　judges　chosen　were　Mr。　Oliver　and　an　able　lawyer：　both　coincided　in　my　opinion：　I　carried　my　point。　The　instruments　of　transfer　were　drawn　out：　St。　John；　Diana；　Mary；　and　I；　each　became　possessed　of　a　petency。
Chapter　33
It　was　near　Christmas　by　the　time　all　was　settled：　the　season　of　general　holiday　approached。　I　now　closed　Morton　school；　taking　care　that　the　parting　should　not　be　barren　on　my　side。　Good　fortune　opens　the　hand　as　well　as　the　heart　wonderfully；　and　to　give　somewhat　when　we　have　largely　received；　is　but　to　afford　a　vent　to　the　unusual　ebullition　of　the　sensations。　I　had　long　felt　with　pleasure　that　many　of　my　rustic　scholars　liked　me；　and　when　we　parted；　that　consciousness　was　confirmed：　they　manifested　their　affection　plainly　and　strongly。　Deep　was　my　gratification　to　find　I　had　really　a　place　in　their　unsophisticated　hearts：　I　promised　them　that　never　a　week　should　pass　in　future　that　I　did　not　visit　them；　and　give　them　an　hour’s　teaching　in　their　school。
Mr。　Rivers　came　up　as；　having　seen　the　classes；　now　numbering　sixty　girls；　file　out　before　me；　and　locked　the　door；　I　stood　with　the　key　in　my　hand；　exchanging　a　few　words　of　special　farewell　with　some　half…dozen　of　my　best　scholars：　as　decent；　respectable；　modest；　and　well…informed　young　women　as　could　be　found　in　the　ranks　of　the　British　peasantry。　And　that　is　saying　a　great　deal；　for　after　all；　the　British　peasantry　are　the　best　taught；　best　mannered；　most　self…　respecting　of　any　in　Europe：　since　those　days　I　have　seen　paysannes　and　Bauerinnen；　and　the　best　of　them　seemed　to　me　ignorant；　coarse；　and　besotted；　pared　with　my　Morton　girls。
“Do　you　consider　you　have　got　your　reward　for　a　season　of　exertion？”　asked　Mr。　Rivers；　when　they　were　gone。　“Does　not　the　consciousness　of　having　done　some　real　good　in　your　day　and　generation　give　pleasure？”
“Doubtless。”
“And　you　have　only　toiled　a　few　months！　Would　not　a　life　devoted　to　the　task　of　regenerating　your　race　be　well　spent？”
“Yes；”　I　said；　“but　I　could　not　go　on　for　ever　so：　I　want　to　enjoy　my　own　faculties　as　well　as　to　cultivate　those　of　other　people。　I　must　enjoy　them　now；　don’t　recall　either　my　mind　or　body　to　the　school；　I　am　out　of　it　and　disposed　for　full　holiday。”
He　looked　grave。　“What　now？　What　sudden　eagerness　is　this　you　evince？　What　are　you　going　to　do？”
“To　be　active：　as　active　as　I　can。　And　first　I　must　beg　you　to　set　Hannah　at　liberty；　and　get　somebody　else　to　wait　on　you。”
“Do　you　want　her？”
“Yes；　to　go　with　me　to　Moor　House。　Diana　and　Mary　will　be　at　home　in　a　week；　and　I　want　to　have　everything　in　order　against　their　arrival。”
“I　understand。　I　thought　you　were　for　flying　off　on　some　excursion。　It　is　better　so：　Hannah　shall　go　with　you。”
“Tell　her　to　be　ready　by　to…morrow　then；　and　here　is　the　schoolroom　key：　I　will　give　you　the　key　of　my　cottage　in　the　morning。”
He　took　it。　“You　give　it　up　very　gleefully；”　said　he；　“I　don’t　quite　understand　your　light…heartedness；　because　I　cannot　tell　what　employment　you　propose　to　yourself　as　a　substitute　for　the　one　you　are　relinquishing。　What　aim；　what　purpose；　what　ambition　in　life　have　you　now？”
“My　first　aim　will　be　to　clean　down　（do　you　prehend　the　full　force　of　the　expression？）—to　clean　down　Moor　House　from　chamber　to　cellar；　my　next　to　rub　it　up　with　bees…wax；　oil；　and　an　indefinite　number　of　cloths；　till　it　glitters　again；　my　third；　to　arrange　every　chair；　table；　bed；　carpet；　with　mathematical　precision；　afterwards　I　shall　go　near　to　ruin　you　in　coals　and　peat　to　keep　up　good　fires　in　every　room；　and　lastly；　the　two　days　preceding　that　on　which　your　sisters　are　expected　will　be　devoted　by　Hannah　and　me　to　such　a　beating　of　eggs；　sorting　of　currants；　grating　of　spices；　pounding　of　Christmas　cakes；　chopping　up　of　materials　for　mince…pies；　and　solemnising　of　other　culinary　rites；　as　words　can　convey　but　an　inadequate　notion　of　to　the　uninitiated　like　you。　My　purpose；　in　short；　is　to　have　all　things　in　an　absolutely　perfect　state　of　readiness　for　Diana　and　Mary　before　next　Thursday；　and　my　ambition　is　to　give　them　a　beau…ideal　of　a　wele　when　they　e。”
St。　John　smiled　slightly：　still　he　was　dissatisfied。
“It　is　all　very　well　for　the　present；”　said　he；　“but　seriously；　I　trust　that　when　the　first　flush　of　vivacity　is　over；　you　will　look　a　little　higher　than　domestic　endearments　and　household　joys。”
“The　best　things　the　world　has！”　I　interrupted。
“No；　Jane；　no：　this　world　is　not　the　scene　of　fruition；　do　not　attempt　to　make　it　so：　nor　of　rest；　do　not　turn　slothful。”
“I　mean；　on　the　contrary；　to　be　busy。”
“Jane；　I　excuse　you　for　the　present：　two　months’　grace　I　allow　you　for　the　full　enjoyment　of　your　new　position；　and　for　pleasing　yourself　with　this　late…found　charm　of　relationship；　but　then；　I　hope　you　will　begin　to　look　beyond　Moor　House　and　Morton；　and　sisterly　society；　and　the　selfish　calm　and　sensual　fort　of　civilised　affluence。　I　hope　your　energies　will　then　once　more　trouble　you　with　their　strength。”
I　looked　at　him　with　surprise。　“St。　John；”　I　said；　“I　think　you　are　almost　wicked　to　talk　so。　I　am　disposed　to　be　as　content　as　a　queen；　and　you　try　to　stir　me　up　to　restlessness！　To　what　end？”
“To　the　end　of　turning　to　profit　the　talents　which　God　has　mitted　to　your　keeping；　and　of　which　He　will　surely　one　day　demand　a　strict　account。　Jane；　I　shall　watch　you　closely　and　anxiously—I　warn　you　of　that。　And　try　to　restrain　the　disproportionate　fervour　with　which　you　throw　yourself　into　monplace　home　pleasures。　Don’t　cling　so　tenaciously　to　ties　of　the　flesh；　save　your　constancy　and　ardour　for　an　adequate　cause；　forbear　to　waste　them　on　trite　transient　objects。　Do　you　hear；　Jane？”
“Yes；　just　as　if　you　were　speaking　Greek。　I　feel　I　have　adequate　cause　to　be　happy；　and　I　will　be　happy。　Goodbye！”
Happy　at　Moor　House　I　was；　and　hard　I　worked；　and　so　did　Hannah：　she　was　charmed　to　see　how　jovial　I　could　be　amidst　the　bustle　of　a　house　turned　topsy…turvy—how　I　could　brush；　and　dust；　and　clean；　and　cook。　And　really；　after　a　day　or　two　of　confusion　worse　confounded；　it　was　delightful　by　degrees　to　invoke　order　from　the　chaos　ourselves　had　made。　I　had　previously　taken　a　journey　to　S…　to　purchase　some　new　furniture：　my　cousins　having　given　me　carte　blanche　to　effect　what　alterations　I　pleased；　and　a　sum　having　been　set　aside　for　that　purpose。　The　ordinary　sitting…room　and　bedrooms　I　left　much　as　they　were：　for　I　knew　Diana　and　Mary　would　derive　more　pleasure　from　seeing　again　the　old　homely　tables；　and　chairs；　and　beds；　than　from　the　spectacle　of　the　smartest　innovations。　Still　some　novelty　was　necessary；　to　give　to　their　return　the　piquancy　with　which　I　wished　it　to　be　invested。　Dark　handsome　new　carpets　and　curtains；　an　arrangement　of　some　carefully　selected　antique　ornaments　in　porcelain　and　bronze；　new　coverings；　and　mirrors；　and　dressing…cases；　for　the　toilet　tables；　answered　the　end：　they　looked　fresh　without　being　glaring。　A　spare　parlour　and　bedroom　I　refurnished　entirely；　with　old　mahogany　and　crimson　upholstery：　I　laid　canvas　on　the　passage；　and　carpets　on　the　stairs。　When　all　was　finished；　I　thought　Moor　House　as　plete　a　model　of　bright　modest　snugness　within；　as　it　was；　at　this　season；　a　specimen　of　wintry　waste　and　desert　dreariness　without。
The　eventful　Thursday　at　length　came。　They　were　expected　about　dark；　and　ere　dusk　fires　were　lit　upstairs　and　below；　the　kitchen　was　in　perfect　trim；　Hannah　and　I　were　dressed；　and　all　was　in　readiness。
St。　John　arrived　first。　I　had　entreated　him　to　keep　quite　clear　of　the　house　till　everything　was　arranged：　and；　indeed；　the　bare　idea　of　the　motion；　at　once　sordid　and　trivial；　going　on　within　its　walls　sufficed　to　scare　him　to　estrangement。　He　found　me　in　the　kitchen；　watching　the　progress　of　certain　cakes　for　tea；　then　baking。　Approaching　the　hearth；　he　asked；　“If　I　was　at　last　satisfied　with　housemaid’s　work？”　I　answered　by　inviting　him　to　acpany　me　on　a　general　inspection　of　the　result　of　my　labours。　With　some　difficulty；　I　got　him　to　make　the　tour　of　the　house。　He　just　looked　in　at　the　doors　I　opened；　and　when　he　had　wandered　upstairs　and　downstairs；　he　said　I　must　have　gone　through　a　great　deal　of　fatigue　and　trouble　to　have　effected　such　considerable　changes　in　so　short　a　time：　but　not　a　syllable　did　he　utter　indicating　pleasure　in　the　improved　aspect　of　his　abode。
This　silence　damped　me。　I　thought　perhaps　the　alterations　had　disturbed　some　old　associations　he　valued。　I　inquired　whether　this　was　the　case：　no　doubt　in　a　somewhat　crest…fallen　tone。
“Not　at　all；　he　had；　on　the　contrary；　remarked　that　I　had　scrupulously　respected　every　association：　he　feared；　indeed；　I　must　have　bestowed　more　thought　on　the　matter　than　it　was　worth。　How　many　minutes；　for　instance；　had　I　devoted　to　studying　the　arrangement　of　this　very　room？—By…the…bye；　could　I　tell　him　where　such　a　book　was？”
I　showed　him　the　volume　on　the　shelf：　he　took　it　down；　and　withdrawing　to　his　accustomed　window　recess；　he　began　to　read　it。
Now；　I　did　not　like　this；　reader。　St。　John　was　a　good　man；　but　I　began　to　feel　he　had　spoken　truth　of　himself　when　he　said　he　was　hard　and　cold。　The　humanities　and　amenities　of　life　had　no　attraction　for　him—its　peaceful　enjoyments　no　charm。　Literally；　he　lived　only　to　aspire—after　what　was　good　and　great；　certainly；　but　still　he　would　never　rest；　nor　approve　of　others　resting　round　him。　As　I　looked　at　his　lofty　forehead；　still　and　pale　as　a　white　stone—　at　his　fine　lineaments　fixed　in　study—I　prehended　all　at　once　that　he　would　hardly　make　a　good　husband：　that　it　woul