little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第32章

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it　had　changed　from　yellow　to　black；　slowly　weeping　away　its　grimy　life。
The　place　had　no　other　adherents。　As　to　street　noises；　the　rumbling　of
wheels　in　the　lane　merely　rushed　in　at　the　gateway　in　going　past；　and
rushed　out　again：　making　the　listening　Mistress　Affery　feel　as　if　she
were　deaf；　and　recovered　the　sense　of　hearing　by　instantaneous　flashes。
So　with　whistling；　singing；　talking；　laughing；　and　all　pleasant　human
sounds。　They　leaped　the　gap　in　a　moment；　and　went　upon　their　way。　The
varying　light　of　fire　and　candle　in　Mrs　Clennam's　room　made　the　greatest
change　that　ever　broke　the　dead　monotony　of　the　spot。　In　her　two　long
narrow　windows；　the　fire　shone　sullenly　all　day；　and　sullenly　all　night。
On　rare　occasions　it　flashed　up　passionately；　as　she　did；　but　for　the
most　part　it　was　suppressed；　like　her；　and　preyed　upon　itself　evenly　and
slowly。　During　many　hours　of　the　short　winter　days；　however；　when　it　was
dusk　there　early　in　the　afternoon；　changing　distortions　of　herself
in　her　wheeled　chair；　of　Mr　Flintwinch　with　his　wry　neck；　of　Mistress
Affery　ing　and　going；　would　be　thrown　upon　the　house　wall　that　was
over　the　gateway；　and　would　hover　there　like　shadows　from　a　great　magic
lantern。　As　the　room…ridden　invalid　settled　for　the　night；　these　would
gradually　disappear：　Mistress　Affery's　magnified　shadow　always　flitting
about；　last；　until　it　finally　glided　away　into　the　air；　as　though　she
were　off　upon　a　witch　excursion。　Then　the　solitary　light　would　burn
unchangingly；　until　it　burned　pale　before　the　dawn；　and　at　last　died
under　the　breath　of　Mrs　Affery；　as　her　shadow　descended　on　it　from　the
witch…region　of　sleep。

Strange；　if　the　little　sick…room　fire　were　in　effect　a　beacon　fire；
summoning　some　one；　and　that　the　most　unlikely　some　one　in　the　world；
to　the　spot　that　MUST　be　e　to。　Strange；　if　the　little　sick…room　light
were　in　effect　a　watch…light；　burning　in　that　place　every　night　until
an　appointed　event　should　be　watched　out！　Which　of　the　vast　multitude
of　travellers；　under　the　sun　and　the　stars；　climbing　the　dusty　hills
and　toiling　along　the　weary　plains；　journeying　by　land　and　journeying　by
sea；　ing　and　going　so　strangely；　to　meet　and　to　act　and　react　on　one
another；　which　of　the　host　may；　with　no　suspicion　of　the　journey's　end；
be　travelling　surely　hither？

Time　shall　show　us。　The　post　of　honour　and　the　post　of　shame；　the
general's　station　and　the　drummer's；　a　peer's　statue　in　Westminster
Abbey　and　a　seaman's　hammock　in　the　bosom　of　the　deep；　the　mitre　and
the　workhouse；　the　woolsack　and　the　gallows；　the　throne　and　the
guillotine……the　travellers　to　all　are　on　the　great　high　road；　but　it
has　wonderful　divergencies；　and　only　Time　shall　show　us　whither　each
traveller　is　bound。

On　a　wintry　afternoon　at　twilight；　Mrs　Flintwinch；　having　been　heavy　all
day；　dreamed　this　dream：

She　thought　she　was　in　the　kitchen　getting　the　kettle　ready　for　tea；　and
was　warming　herself　with　her　feet　upon　the　fender　and　the　skirt　of　her
gown　tucked　up；　before　the　collapsed　fire　in　the　middle　of　the　grate；
bordered　on　either　hand　by　a　deep　cold　black　ravine。　She　thought　that
as　she　sat　thus；　musing　upon　the　question　whether　life　was　not　for　some
people　a　rather　dull　invention；　she　was　frightened　by　a　sudden　noise
behind　her。　She　thought　that　she　had　been　similarly　frightened　once　last
week；　and　that　the　noise　was　of　a　mysterious　kind……a　sound　of　rustling
and　of　three　or　four　quick　beats　like　a　rapid　step；　while　a　shock　or
tremble　was　municated　to　her　heart；　as　if　the　step　had　shaken　the
floor；　or　even　as　if　she　had　been　touched　by　some　awful　hand。　She
thought　that　this　revived　within　her　certain　old　fears　of　hers　that
the　house　was　haunted；　and　that　she　flew　up　the　kitchen　stairs　without
knowing　how　she　got　up；　to　be　nearer　pany。

Mistress　Affery　thought　that　on　reaching　the　hall；　she　saw　the　door　of
her　liege　lord's　office　standing　open；　and　the　room　empty。　That　she　went
to　the　ripped…up　window　in　the　little　room　by　the　street　door　to　connect
her　palpitating　heart；　through　the　glass；　with　living　things　beyond
and　outside　the　haunted　house。　That　she　then　saw；　on　the　wall　over　the
gateway；　the　shadows　of　the　two　clever　ones　in　conversation　above。　That
she　then　went　upstairs　with　her　shoes　in　her　hand；　partly　to　be　near
the　clever　ones　as　a　match　for　most　ghosts；　and　partly　to　hear　what　they
were　talking　about。

'None　of　your　nonsense　with　me；'　said　Mr　Flintwinch。　'I　won't　take　it
from　you。'

Mrs　Flintwinch　dreamed　that　she　stood　behind　the　door；　which　was　just
ajar；　and　most　distinctly　heard　her　husband　say　these　bold　words。

'Flintwinch；'　returned　Mrs　Clennam；　in　her　usual　strong　low　voice；
'there　is　a　demon　of　anger　in　you。　Guard　against　it。'

'I　don't　care　whether　there's　one　or　a　dozen；'　said　Mr　Flintwinch；
forcibly　suggesting　in　his　tone　that　the　higher　number　was　nearer　the
mark。　'If　there　was　fifty；　they　should　all　say；　None　of　your　nonsense
with　me；　I　won't　take　it　from　you……I'd　make　'em　say　it；　whether　they
liked　it　or　not。'

'What　have　I　done；　you　wrathful　man？'　her　strong　voice　asked。

'Done？'　said　Mr　Flintwinch。　'Dropped　down　upon　me。'

'If　you　mean；　remonstrated　with　you……'

'Don't　put　words　into　my　mouth　that　I　don't　mean；'　said　Jeremiah；
sticking　to　his　figurative　expression　with　tenacious　and　imperable
obstinacy：　'I　mean　dropped　down　upon　me。'

'I　remonstrated　with　you；'　she　began　again；　'because……'

'I　won't　have　it！'　cried　Jeremiah。　'You　dropped　down　upon　me。'

'I　dropped　down　upon　you；　then；　you　ill…conditioned　man；'　（Jeremiah
chuckled　at　having　forced　her　to　adopt　his　phrase；）　'for　having　been
needlessly　significant　to　Arthur　that　morning。　I　have　a　right　to
plain　of　it　as　almost　a　breach　of　confidence。　You　did　not　mean　it……'

'I　won't　have　it！'　interposed　the　contradictory　Jeremiah；　flinging　back
the　concession。　'I　did　mean　it。'

'I　suppose　I　must　leave　you　to　speak　in　soliloquy　if　you　choose；'　she
replied；　after　a　pause　that　seemed　an　angry　one。　'It　is　useless　my
addressing　myself　to　a　rash　and　headstrong　old　man　who　has　a　set　purpose
not　to　hear　me。'

'Now；　I　won't　take　that　from　you　either；'　said　Jeremiah。　'I　have　no　such
purpose。　I　have　told　you　I　did　mean　it。　Do　you　wish　to　know　why　I　meant
it；　you　rash　and　headstrong　old　woman？'

'After　all；　you　only　restore　me　my　own　words；'　she　said；　struggling　with
her　indignation。　'Yes。'

'This　is　why；　then。　Because　you　hadn't　cleared　his　father　to　him；　and
you　ought　to　have　done　it。　Because；　before　you　went　into　any　tantrum
about　yourself；　who　are……'

'Hold　there；　Flintwinch！'　she　cried　out　in　a　changed　voice：　'you　may　go
a　word　too　far。'

The　old　man　seemed　to　think　so。　There　was　another　pause；　and　he　had
altered　his　position　in　the　room；　when　he　spoke　again　more　mildly：

'I　was　going　to　tell　you　why　it　was。　Because；　before　you　took　your　own
part；　I　thought　you　ought　to　have　taken　the　part　of　Arthur's　father。
Arthur's　father！　I　had　no　particular　love　for　Arthur's　father。　I　served
Arthur's　father's　uncle；　in　this　house；　when　Arthur's　father　was　not
much　above　me……was　poorer　as　far　as　his　pocket　went……and　when　his　uncle
might　as　soon　have　left　me　his　heir　as　have　left　him。　He　starved　in　the
parlour；　and　I　starved　in　the　kitchen；　that　was　the　principal　difference
in　our　positions；　there　was　not　much　more　than　a　flight　of　breakneck
stairs　between　us。　I　never　took　to　him　in　those　times；　I　don't　know　that
I　ever　took　to　him　greatly　at　any　time。　He　was　an　undecided；　irresolute
chap；　who　had　everything　but　his　orphan　life　scared　out　of　him　when　he
was　young。　And　when　he　brought　you　home　here；　the　wife　his　uncle
had　named　for　him；　I　didn't　need　to　look　at　you　twice　（you　were　a
good…looking　woman　at　that　time）　to　know　who'd　be　master。　You　have　stood
of　your　own　strength　ever　since。　Stand　of　your　own　strength　now。　Don't
lean　against　the　dead。'

'I　do　not……as　you　call　it……lean　against　the　dead。'

'But　you　had　a　mind　to　do　it；　if　I　had　submitted；'　growled　Jeremiah；
'and　that's　why　you　drop　down　upon　me。　You　can't　forget　that　I　didn't
submit。　I　suppose　you　are　astonished　that　I　should　consider　it　worth　my
while　to　have　justice　done　to　Arthur's　father？

Hey？　It　doesn't　matter　whether　you　answer　or　not；　because　I　know　you
are；　and　you　know　you　are。　e；　then；　I'll　tell　you　how　it　is。　I　may
be　a　bit　of　an　oddity　in　point　of　temper；　but　this　is　my　temper……I　can't
let　anybody　have　entirely　their　own　way。　You　are　a　determined　woman；　and
a　clever　woman；　and　when　you　see　your　purpose　before　you；　nothing　will
turn　you　from　it。　Who　knows　that　better　than　I　do？'

'Nothing　will　turn　me　from　it；　Flintwinch；　when　I　have　justified　it　to
myself。　Add　that。'

'Justified　it　to　yourself？　I　said　you　were　the　most　determined　woman　on
the　face　of　the　earth　（or　I　meant　to　say　so）；　and　if　you　are　determined
to　justify　any　object　you　entertain；　of　course　you'll　do　it。'

'Man！　I　justify　myself　by　the　authority　of　these　Books；'　she　cried；　with
stern　emphasis；　and　appearing　from　the　sound　that　followed　to　strike　the
dead…weight　of　her　arm　upon　the　table。

'Never　mind　that；'　returned　Jeremiah　calmly；　'we　won't　enter　into　that
question　at　present。　However　that　may　be；　you　carry　out　your　purposes；
and　you　make　everything　go　down　before　them。　Now；　I　won't　go　down　before
them。　I　have　been　faithful　to　you；　and　useful　to　you；　and　I　am　attached
to　you。　But　I　can't　consent；　and　I　won't　consent；　and　I　never　did
consent；　and　I　never　will　consent　to　be　lost　in　you。　Swallow　up
everybody　else；　and　wele。　The　peculiarity　of　my　temper　is；　ma'am；
that　I　won't　be　swallowed　up　alive。'

Perhaps　this　had　Originally　been　the　mainspring　of　the　understanding
between　them。　Descrying　thus　much　of　force　of　character　in　Mr
Flintwinch；　perhaps　Mrs　Clennam　had　deemed　alliance　with　him　worth　her
while。

'Enough　and　more　than　enough　of　the　subject；'　said　she　gloomily。

'Unless　you　drop　down　upon　me　again；'　returned　the　persistent
Flintwinch；　'and　then　you　must　expect　to　hear　of　it　again。'

Mistress　Affery　dreamed　that　the　figure　of　her　lord　here　began　walking
up　and　down　the　room；　as　if　to　cool　his　spleen；　and　that　she　ran　away；
but　that；　as　he　did　not　issue　forth　when　she　had　stood　listening　and
trembling　in　the　shadowy　hall　a　little　time；　she　crept　up…stairs　again；
impelled　as　before　by　ghosts　and　curiosity；　and　once　more　cowered
outside　the　door。

'Please　to　light　the　candle；　Flintwinch；'　Mrs　Clennam　was　saying；
apparently　wishing　to　draw　him　back　into　their　usual　tone。　'It　is　nearly
time　for　tea。　Little　Dorrit　is　ing；　and　will　find　me　in　the　dark。'

Mr　Flintwinch　lighted　the　candle　briskly；　and　said　as　he　put　it　down
upon　the　table：

'What　are　you　going　to　do　with　Little　Dorrit？　Is　she　to　e　to　work
here　for　ever？　To　e　to　tea　here　for　ever？　To　e　backwards　and
forwards　here；　in　the　same　way；　for　ever？'　'How　can　you　talk　about　〃for
ever〃　to　a　maimed　creature　like　me？　Are　we　not　all　cut　down　like　the
grass　of　the　field；　and　was　not　I　shorn　by　the　scythe　many　years　ago：
since　when　I　have　been　lying　here；　waiting　to　be　gathered　into　the
barn？'

'Ay；　ay！　But　since　you　have　been　lying　here……not　near　dead……nothing　like
it……numbers　of　children　and　young　people；　blooming　women；　strong　men；
and　what　not；　have　been　cut　down　and　carried；　and　still　here　are　you；
you　see；　not　much　changed　after　all。　Your　time　and　mine　may　be　a　long
one　yet。　When　I　say　for　ever；　I　mean　（though　I　am　not　poetical）　through
all　our　time。'　Mr　Flintwinch　gave　this　explanation　with　great　calmness；
and　calmly　waited　for　an　answer。

'So　long　as　Little　Dorrit　is　quiet　and　industrious；　and　stands　in　need
of　the　slight　help　I　can　give　her；　and　deserves　it；　so　long；　I　suppose；
unless　she　withdraws　of　her　own　act；　she　will　continue　to　e　here；　I
being　spared。'

'Nothing　more　than　that？'　said　Flintwinch；　stroking　his　mouth　and　chin。

'What　should　there　be　more　than　that！　What　could　there　be　more　than
that！'　she　ejaculated　in　her　sternly　wondering　way。

Mrs　Flintwinch　dreamed；　that；　for　the　space　of　a　minute　or　two；　they
remained　looking　at　each　other　with　the　candle　between　them；　and
that　she　somehow　derived　an　impression　that　they　looked　at　each　other
fixedly。

'Do　you　happen　to　know；　Mrs　Clennam；'　Affery's　liege　lord　then　demanded
in　a　much　lower　voice；　and　with　an　amount　of　expression　that　seemed
quite　out　of　proportion　to　the　simple　purpose　of　his　words；　'where　she
lives？'

'No。'

'Would　you……now；　would　you　like　to　know？'　said　Jeremiah　with　a　pounce　as
if　he　had　sprung　upon　her。

'If　I　cared　to　know；　I　should　know　already。　Could　I　not　have　asked　her
any　day？'

'Then　you　don't　care　to　know？'

'I　do　not。'

Mr　Flintwinch；　having　expelled　a　long　significant　breath　said；　with　his
former　emphasis；　'For　I　have　accidentally……mind！……found　out。'

'Wherever　she　lives；'　said　Mrs　Clennam；　speaking　in　one　unmodulated　hard
voice；　and　separating　her　words　as　distinctly　as　if　she　were　reading
them　off　from　separate　bits　of　metal　that　she　took　up　one　by　one；　'she
has　made　a　secret　of　it；　and　she　shall　always　keep　her　secret　from　me。'

'After　all；　perhaps　you　would　rather　not　have　known　the　fact；　any　how？'
said　Jeremiah；　and　he　said　it　with　a　twist；　as　if　his　words　had　e　out
of　hi