little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第38章

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Fortune；　preparatory　to　his　that　day　declaring　his　passion　and
being　triumphant。　But　Young　John　had　never　taken　courage　to　make
the　declaration；　and　it　was　principally　on　these　occasions　that　he　had
returned　excited　to　the　tobacco　shop；　and　flown　at　the　customers。　In
this　affair；　as　in　every　other；　Little　Dorrit　herself　was　the　last
person　considered。　Her　brother　and　sister　were　aware　of　it；　and　attained
a　sort　of　station　by　making　a　peg　of　it　on　which　to　air　the　miserably
ragged　old　fiction　of　the　family　gentility。　Her　sister　asserted　the
family　gentility　by　flouting　the　poor　swain　as　he　loitered　about　the
prison　for　glimpses　of　his　dear。　Tip　asserted　the　family　gentility；　and
his　own；　by　ing　out　in　the　character　of　the　aristocratic　brother；　and
loftily　swaggering　in　the　little　skittle　ground　respecting　seizures　by
the　scruff　of　the　neck；　which　there　were　looming　probabilities　of　some
gentleman　unknown　executing　on　some　little　puppy　not　mentioned。　These
were　not　the　only　members　of　the　Dorrit　family　who　turned　it　to　account。

No；　no。　The　Father　of　the　Marshalsea　was　supposed　to　know　nothing　about
the　matter；　of　course：　his　poor　dignity　could　not　see　so　low。

But　he　took　the　cigars；　on　Sundays；　and　was　glad　to　get　them；　and
sometimes　even　condescended　to　walk　up　and　down　the　yard　with　the　donor
（who　was　proud　and　hopeful　then）；　and　benignantly　to　smoke　one　in
his　society。　With　no　less　readiness　and　condescension　did　he　receive
attentions　from　Chivery　Senior；　…chair
and　newspaper　to　him；　when　he　came　into　the　Lodge　during　one　of　his
spells　of　duty；　and　who　had　even　mentioned　to　him；　that；　if　he　would
like　at　any　time　after　dusk　quietly　to　step　out　into　the　fore…court　and
take　a　look　at　the　street；　there　was　not　much　to　prevent　him。　If　he　did
not　avail　himself　of　this　latter　civility；　it　was　only　because　he　had
lost　the　relish　for　it；　inasmuch　as　he　took　everything　else　he　could
get；　and　would　say　at　times；　'Extremely　civil　person；　Chivery；　very
attentive　man　and　very　respectful。　Young　Chivery；　too；　really　almost
with　a　delicate　perception　of　one's　position　here。　A　very　well　conducted
family　indeed；　the　Chiveries。　Their　behaviour　gratifies　me。'

The　devoted　Young　John　all　this　time　regarded　the　family　with　reverence。
He　never　dreamed　of　disputing　their　pretensions；　but　did　homage　to　the
miserable　Mumbo　jumbo　they　paraded。　As　to　resenting　any　affront　from　her
brother；　he　would　have　felt；　even　if　he　had　not　naturally　been　of　a　most
pacific　disposition；　that　to　wag　his　tongue　or　lift　his　hand　against
that　sacred　gentleman　would　be　an　unhallowed　act。　He　was　sorry　that
his　noble　mind　should　take　offence；　still；　he　felt　the　fact　to　be　not
inpatible　with　its　nobility；　and　sought　to　propitiate　and　conciliate
that　gallant　soul。　Her　father；　a　gentleman　in　misfortune……a　gentleman　of
a　fine　spirit　and　courtly　manners；　who　always　bore　with　him……he　deeply
honoured。　Her　sister　he　considered　somewhat　vain　and　proud；　but　a　young
lady　of　infinite　acplishments；　who　could　not　forget　the　past。　It　was
an　instinctive　testimony　to　Little　Dorrit's　worth　and　difference　from
all　the　rest；　that　the　poor　young　fellow　honoured　and　loved　her　for
being　simply　what　she　was。

The　tobacco　business　round　the　corner　of　Horsemonger　Lane　was　carried
out　in　a　rural　establishment　one　story　high；　which　had　the　benefit　of
the　air　from　the　yards　of　Horsemonger　Lane　jail；　and　the　advantage　of　a
retired　walk　under　the　wall　of　that　pleasant　establishment。　The　business
was　of　too　modest　a　character　to　support　a　life…size　Highlander；　but　it
maintained　a　little　one　on　a　bracket　on　the　door…post；　who　looked　like
a　fallen　Cherub　that　had　found　it　necessary　to　take　to　a　kilt。　From　the
portal　thus　decorated；　one　Sunday　after　an　early　dinner　of　baked　viands；
Young　John　issued　forth　on　his　usual　Sunday　errand；　not　empty…handed；
but　with　his　offering　of　cigars。　He　was　neatly　attired　in　a
plum…coloured　coat；　with　as　large　a　collar　of　black　velvet　as　his　figure
could　carry；　a　silken　waistcoat；　bedecked　with　golden　sprigs；　a　chaste
neckerchief　much　in　vogue　at　that　day；　representing　a　preserve　of
lilac　pheasants　on　a　buff　ground；　pantaloons　so　highly　decorated　with
side…stripes　that　each　leg　was　a　three…stringed　lute；　and　a　hat　of
state　very　high　and　hard。　When　the　prudent　Mrs　Chivery　perceived　that
in　addition　to　these　adornments　her　John　carried　a　pair　of　white　kid
gloves；　and　a　cane　like　a　little　finger…post；　surmounted　by　an　ivory
hand　marshalling　him　the　way　that　he　should　go；　and　when　she　saw　him；　in
this　heavy　marching　order；　turn　the　corner　to　the　right；　she　remarked　to
Mr　Chivery；　who　was　at　home　at　the　time；　that　she　thought　she　knew　which
way　the　wind　blew。

The　Collegians　were　entertaining　a　considerable　number　of　visitors　that
Sunday　afternoon；　and　their　Father　kept　his　room　for　the　purpose　of
receiving　presentations。　After　making　the　tour　of　the　yard；　Little
Dorrit's　lover　with　a　hurried　heart　went　up…stairs；　and　knocked　with　his
knuckles　at　the　Father's　door。

'e　in；　e　in！'　said　a　gracious　voice。　The　Father's　voice；　her
father's；　the　Marshalsea's　father's。　He　was　seated　in　his　black　velvet
cap；　with　his　newspaper；　three…and…sixpence　accidentally　left　on　the
table；　and　two　chairs　arranged。　Everything　prepared　for　holding　his
Court。

'Ah；　Young　John！　How　do　you　do；　how　do　you　do！'

'Pretty　well；　I　thank　you；　sir。　I　hope　you　are　the　same。'

'Yes；　John　Chivery；　yes。　Nothing　to　plain　of。'

'I　have　taken　the　liberty；　sir；　of……'

'Eh？'　The　Father　of　the　Marshalsea　always　lifted　up　his　eyebrows　at　this
point；　and　became　amiably　distraught　and　smilingly　absent　in　mind。

'……A　few　cigars；　sir。'

'Oh！'　（For　the　moment；　excessively　surprised。）　'Thank　you；　Young　John；
thank　you。　But　really；　I　am　afraid　I　am　too……No？　Well　then；　I　will　say
no　more　about　it。　Put　them　on　the　mantelshelf；　if　you　please；　Young
John。　And　sit　down；　sit　down。　You　are　not　a　stranger；　John。'

'Thank　you；　sir；　I　am　sure……Miss；'　here　Young　John　turned　the　great　hat
round　and　round　upon　his　left…hand；　like　a　slowly　twirling　mouse…cage；
'Miss　Amy　quite　well；　sir？'　'Yes；　John；　yes；　very　well。　She　is　out。'
'Indeed；　sir？'

'Yes；　John。　Miss　Amy　is　gone　for　an　airing。　My　young　people　all　go　out　a
good　deal。　But　at　their　time　of　life；　it's　natural；　John。'

'Very　much　so；　I　am　sure；　sir。'

'An　airing。　An　airing。　Yes。'　He　was　blandly　tapping　his　fingers　on
the　table；　and　casting　his　eyes　up　at　the　window。　'Amy　has　gone　for
an　airing　on　the　Iron　Bridge。　She　has　bee　quite　partial　to　the　Iron
Bridge　of　late；　and　seems　to　like　to　walk　there　better　than　anywhere。'
He　returned　to　conversation。　'Your　father　is　not　on　duty　at　present；　I
think；　John？'

'No；　sir；　he　es　on　later　in　the　afternoon。'　Another　twirl　of　the
great　hat；　and　then　Young　John　said；　rising；　'I　am　afraid　I　must　wish
you　good　day；　sir。'

'So　soon？　Good　day；　Young　John。　Nay；　nay；'　with　the　utmost
condescension；　'never　mind　your　glove；　John。　Shake　hands　with　it　on。　You
are　no　stranger　here；　you　know。'

Highly　gratified　by　the　kindness　of　his　reception；　Young　John　descended
the　staircase。　On　his　way　down　he　met　some　Collegians　bringing　up
visitors　to　be　presented；　and　at　that　moment　Mr　Dorrit　happened　to　call
over　the　banisters　with　particular　distinctness；　'Much　obliged　to　you
for　your　little　testimonial；　John！'

Little　Dorrit's　lover　very　soon　laid　down　his　penny　on　the　tollplate　of
the　Iron　Bridge；　and　came　upon　it　looking　about　him　for　the　well…known
and　well…beloved　figure。　At　first　he　feared　she　was　not　there；　but　as　he
walked　on　towards　the　Middlesex　side；　he　saw　her　standing　still；　looking
at　the　water。　She　was　absorbed　in　thought；　and　he　wondered　what
she　might　be　thinking　about。　There　were　the　piles　of　city　roofs　and
chimneys；　more　free　from　smoke　than　on　week…days；　and　there　were　the
distant　masts　and　steeples。　Perhaps　she　was　thinking　about　them。

Little　Dorrit　mused　so　long；　and　was　so　entirely　preoccupied；　that
although　her　lover　stood　quiet　for　what　he　thought　was　a　long　time；　and
twice　or　thrice　retired　and　came　back　again　to　the　former　spot；　still
she　did　not　move。　So；　in　the　end；　he　made　up　his　mind　to　go　on；　and　seem
to　e　upon　her　casually　in　passing；　and　speak　to　her。　The　place　was
quiet；　and　now　or　never　was　the　time　to　speak　to　her。

He　walked　on；　and　she　did　not　appear　to　hear　his　steps　until　he　was
close　upon　her。　When　he　said　'Miss　Dorrit！'　she　started　and　fell　back
from　him；　with　an　expression　in　her　face　of　fright　and　something　like
dislike　that　caused　him　unutterable　dismay。　She　had　often　avoided　him
before……always；　indeed；　for　a　long；　long　while。　She　had　turned　away　and
glided　off　so　often　when　she　had　seen　him　ing　toward　her；　that　the
unfortunate　Young　John　could　not　think　it　accidental。　But　he　had　hoped
that　it　might　be　shyness；　her　retiring　character；　her　foreknowledge　of
the　state　of　his　heart；　anything　short　of　aversion。　Now；　that　momentary
look　had　said；　'You；　of　all　people！　I　would　rather　have　seen　any　one　on
earth　than　you！'

It　was　but　a　momentary　look；　inasmuch　as　she　checked　it；　and　said　in　her
soft　little　voice；　'Oh；　Mr　John！　Is　it　you？'　But　she　felt　what　it　had
been；　as　he　felt　what　it　had　been；　and　they　stood　looking　at　one　another
equally　confused。

'Miss　Amy；　I　am　afraid　I　disturbed　you　by　speaking　to　you。'

'Yes；　rather。　I……I　came　here　to　be　alone；　and　I　thought　I　was。'

'Miss　Amy；　I　took　the　liberty　of　walking　this　way；　because　Mr　Dorrit
chanced　to　mention；　when　I　called　upon　him　just　now；　that　you……'

She　caused　him　more　dismay　than　before　by　suddenly　murmuring；　'O　father；
father！'　in　a　heartrending　tone；　and　turning　her　face　away。

'Miss　Amy；　I　hope　I　don't　give　you　any　uneasiness　by　naming　Mr　Dorrit。
I　assure　you　I　found　him　very　well　and　in　the　best　of　Spirits；　and　he
showed　me　even　more　than　his　usual　kindness；　being　so　very　kind　as　to
say　that　I　was　not　a　stranger　there；　and　in　all　ways　gratifying　me　very
much。'

To　the　inexpressible　consternation　of　her　lover；　Little　Dorrit；　with　her
hands　to　her　averted　face；　and　rocking　herself　where　she　stood　as　if　she
were　in　pain；　murmured；　'O　father；　how　can　you！　O　dear；　dear　father；　how
can　you；　can　you；　do　it！'

The　poor　fellow　stood　gazing　at　her；　overflowing　with　sympathy；　but　not
knowing　what　to　make　of　this；　until；　having　taken　out　her　handkerchief
and　put　it　to　her　still　averted　face；　she　hurried　away。　At　first　he
remained　stock　still；　then　hurried　after　her。

'Miss　Amy；　pray！　Will　you　have　the　goodness　to　stop　a　moment？　Miss　Amy；
if　it　es　to　that；　let　ME　go。　I　shall　go　out　of　my　senses；　if　I　have
to　think　that　I　have　driven　you　away　like　this。'

His　trembling　voice　and　unfeigned　earnestness　brought　Little　Dorrit　to
a　stop。　'Oh；　I　don't　know　what　to　do；'　she　cried；　'I　don't　know　what　to
do！'

To　Young　John；　who　had　never　seen　her　bereft　of　her　quiet　self…mand；
who　had　seen　her　from　her　infancy　ever　so　reliable　and　self…suppressed；
there　was　a　shock　in　her　distress；　and　in　having　to　associate　himself
with　it　as　its　cause；　that　shook　him　from　his　great　hat　to　the
pavement。　He　felt　it　necessary　to　explain　himself。　He　might　be
misunderstood……supposed　to　mean　something；　or　to　have　done　something；
that　had　never　entered　into　his　imagination。　He　begged　her　to　hear　him
explain　himself；　as　the　greatest　favour　she　could　show　him。

'Miss　Amy；　I　know　very　well　that　your　family　is　far　above　mine。　It　were
vain　to　conceal　it。　There　never　was　a　Chivery　a　gentleman　that　ever
I　heard　of；　and　I　will　not　mit　the　meanness　of　making　a　false
representation　on　a　subject　so　momentous。　Miss　Amy；　I　know　very　well
that　your　high…souled　brother；　and　likewise　your　spirited　sister；　spurn
me　from　a　height。　What　I　have　to　do　is　to　respect　them；　to　wish　to　be
admitted　to　their　friendship；　to　look　up　at　the　eminence　on　which　they
are　placed　from　my　lowlier　station……for；　whether　viewed　as　tobacco　or
viewed　as　the　lock；　I　well　know　it　is　lowly……and　ever　wish　them　well　and
happy。'

There　really　was　a　genuineness　in　the　poor　fellow；　and　a　contrast
between　the　hardness　of　his　hat　and　the　softness　of　his　heart　（albeit；
perhaps；　of　his　head；　too）；　that　was　moving。　Little　Dorrit　entreated　him
to　disparage　neither　himself　nor　his　station；　and；　above　all　things；　to
divest　himself　of　any　idea　that　she　supposed　hers　to　be　superior。　This
gave　him　a　little　fort。

'Miss　Amy；'　he　then　stammered；　'I　have　had　for　a　long　time……ages　they
seem　to　me……Revolving　ages……a　heart…cherished　wish　to　say　something　to
you。　May　I　say　it？'

Little　Dorrit　involuntarily　started　from　his　side　again；　with　the
faintest　shadow　of　her　former　look；　conquering　that；　she　went　on　at
great　speed　half　across　the　Bridge　without　replying！

'May　I……Miss　Amy；　I　but　ask　the　question　humbly……may　I　say　it？　I　have
been　so　unlucky　already　in　giving　you　pain　without　having　any　such
intentions；　before　the　holy　Heavens！　that　there　is　no　fear　of　my　saying
it　unless　I　have　your　leave。　I　can　be　miserable　alone；　I　can　be　cut　up
by　myself；　why　should　I　also　make　miserable　and　cut　up　one　that　I　would
fling　myself　off　that　parapet　to　give　half　a　moment's　joy　to！　Not　that
that's　much　to　do；　for　I'd　do　it　for　twopence。'

The　mournfulness　of　his　spirits；　and