rekindled(英文版)-第15章

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yourself；　you'd　tell　me　that　you　love　me；　too。〃

That　was　what　she　feared　most。　There　was　no　place　in　her　life　for　that
kind　of　love。　〃You　don't　know　what　I　feel。〃

〃I　know　what　I　felt　last　night。　You　couldn't　have　faked　your　reactions。
Sorry；　Chloe；　but　you　responded　out　of　love。　That's　all　there　is　to　it。〃

〃No。　Not　all。〃　She　needed　time。　She　knew　what　she　had　to　say。
〃'responded　to　you　out　of　need。　Call　it　lust　or　physical　desire；　but
don't　call　it　love。〃

〃You're　afraid；〃　he　announced。

There　was　a　deathly　silence。　The　air　pulsed　between　them。

〃You're　afraid　to　let　go　of　the　past；〃　he　went　on。　〃It's　so　much　a　part
of　you　that　you're　terrified　to　live　without　it。〃

〃That's　not　true；〃　she　cried。

〃Then　why　don't　you　try？　You　did　it　for　a　night…why　not　for　a　week？

A　month？　A　year？〃　He　softened。　〃I'm　not　asking　you　to　renounce　your
past；　just　to　accept　it　and　move　on。〃　He　paused；　suddenly　a　shade
unsure。　〃You　did　enjoy　last　night；　didn't　you？〃

〃Oh；　yes；〃　she　breathed　so　quickly　that　her　words　stopped　dead　for　lack
of　a　follow…up。

His　smile　filled　the　gap。　It　was　a　full；　warm　curve　of　the　firm　lips
that　had　given　her　such　pleasure　through　the　night。　His　gaze　dropped　to
her　breasts；　then　her　bare　middle。　When　he　bent　to　kiss　her　navel；　she
clutched　his　hair。　But　to　push　him　away？　Or　to　hold　him　there？　Lord；　she
didn't　know。

After　a　night　of　beauty；　the　morning　was　dreary　and　dark。　After　a　night
of　clear…cut　emotions；　the　new　day's　emotions　were　muddy　and　dense。　She
needed　time；　needed　space。　Turning　her　face　into　the　pillow；　she　let　her
hands　slowly　slide　from　his　hair。

〃I　want　you　to　work　for　me；　Chloe。〃

Her　eyes　shot　back　to　his。　〃Work　for　you？　How　can　I　do　that？　I　have　my
own　business。〃

He　brushed　a　tendril　of　hair　from　her　cheek。　〃I　mean；　I　want　to　retain
your　firm。〃

She　was　startled。　She　hadn't　considered　this　twist。　〃For　what？〃

〃They　cater　our　board　meetings；〃　he　drawled　facetiously。　〃e　on；　you
know　what　you　do。　I'd　like　to　hire　ESE　as　a　geological　consultant；
starting　with　a　set　of　revised　plans　for　the　Rye　Beach　plex。〃

Business；　then？　Suddenly　self…conscious；　Chloe　drew　the　sheet　to　her
armpits　and　sat　up。　She　forced　a　feeble　smile。　〃So　it's　bribery　now？
You'd　try　to　hook　my　business；　then　slowly　reel　me　in？〃

〃If　necessary。〃　His　grin　came　and　went。　〃I've　toyed　with　the　idea　all
week。　It　was　what　I　wanted　to　discuss　when　I　arrived　Friday。　What　do　you
think？　Will　you　do　it？〃

〃No。

〃Why　not？　It's　a　good　business　move。〃

〃Actually；〃　she　thought　aloud；　〃you're　right。　It　is　a　good　business
move。　I'll　do　it；　but　only　if　Lee　handle　the　work。〃

〃I　don't　want　Lee。〃

She　had　never　doubted　it。　〃That's　why　I　can't　do　this。　Can　you　imagine
us　trying　to　work　together？　After　last　night？　I'm　not　sure　how　much　work
we'd　get　done。〃

He　sighed。　〃At　least　you　don't　deny　that。〃

〃I　never　did。　I　just　don't　know　how　much　more　there　is　to　it　than　that。〃

But　she　lied。　Making　love　with　Ross　was　as　close；　as　deep；　as　merged　as
she　had　ever　been　with　another　person；　and　that　included　Crystal；　which
was　saying　a　lot。　She　would　always　be　attracted　to　Ross；　would　always
feel　that　special　connection。

Sadly；　she　slipped　out　of　bed　and　stood　at　the　window。　She　felt　as
lonely；　as　dismal　as　the　day。　Was　the　pain　of　separating　from　Ross　worth
the　joy　of　being　with　him？　Was　the　pain　her　punishment　for
self…indulgence？

She　heard　his　footsteps　behind　her　and　sighed　when　he　circled　her　waist
and　drew　her　back　against　him。　For　another　minute；　no　more；　she　would
savor　it。　Another　minute；　that　was　all。　〃I　have　to　leave　this　morning；〃
he　said　softly。　〃This　morning？〃

〃I　have　a　date　in　New　York。〃

〃A　date。〃　That　stopped　her。　〃Business　or　pleasure？〃

〃Pleasure。〃

She　turned。　〃You　just　told　me　you　loved　me。〃

〃I　love　her；　too。〃

The　mischief　in　his　eyes　tipped　her　off。　〃Your　mom。〃

〃Smart　girl；〃　he　said　with　a　smile。　Chloe　was　inordinately　pleased。　〃I
didn't　realize　she　lived　in　New　York。〃

〃She　doesn't。　She's　visiting。〃

〃And　you　left　her　for　the　weekend？〃

〃With　pleasure。〃　And　he　showed　no　sign　of　guilt。　〃My　mother　has　never
been　the　easiest　woman　to　get　along　with。　And　the　fact　that　I　loaned　her
my　place　pleased　her　more　than　my　pany　would　have。　But　I　promised　to
take　her　to　an　opening　at　an　art　gallery　she　sponsors。〃　He　cleared　his
throat。　〃She's　on　another　of　her　infamous　culture　kicks。〃

Chloe　couldn't　help　but　grin。　〃Like　the　violin　lessons？〃

〃Like　the　violin　lessons。〃

Their　eyes　shared　amusement；　but　it　faded　fast。　In　its　place　was　raw
desire；　back　with　a　vengeance。

〃Ahhh；　Chloe；〃　Ross　murmured　and　caught　her　lips。

She　tried　to　turn　away。　〃It's　too　late。〃　She　turned　back　again；　needy。
She　kissed　him；　then　breathed；　〃We　have　to　stop。　Really；　we　do。〃

But　she　wanted　him　too　much　for　that。　He　backed　her　to　the　bed　and
followed　her　down；　and　she　met　him　willingly。　When　he　was　gone；　there
would　be　soul…searching　aplenty。　But　not　now。　Not　yet。

Her　soul…searching　began　the　instant　the　brown　BMW　pulled　from　her　drive
and　disappeared　from　sight。

〃I'll　be　in　touch；　princess；〃　he　had　said　when　he　kissed　her　good…bye。

〃You　shouldn't；　Ross；〃　she　had　said；　though　her　throat　was　tight　with
emotion。　〃It's　better　this　way。〃

He　hadn't　said　anything　more；　had　simply　turned　on　his　heel　and　walked
off。

The　sense　of　loss　she　had　felt　then　should　have　eased　as　the　day　wore
on；　but　it　didn't。　It　grew　sharper；　forcing　her　to　a　deeper　level　of
soulsearching。　On　this　level　she　felt　great　guilt。　Twice；　now；　she　had
been　with　Ross。　Had　it　not　been　for　the　first　time；　Crystal　might　still
be　alive。

The　pain　of　her　memory　of　that　time　was　so　great　that　she　rarely　went
there。　Now　she　did。　She　and　Crystal　had　double…dated　that　rainy　Saturday
night　and　had　returned　home　on　a　sour　note；　largely　from　Chloe's
distraction。　When　Crystal　confronted　her；　Chloe　told　her　about　Ross。　She
hadn't　meant　to　gloat；　only　to　share　the　excitement。

But　Crystal　was　furious。　Hurt；　jealousy；　anger…Chloe　had　never　been　able
to　sort　through　her　twin's　rage。　Crystal　had　run　from　the　house；　taken
her　small　sports　car；　and　sped　away。　Within　an　hour　the　police　were　at
the　door　to　report　that　the　small　car　had　skidded　on　the　wet　road　and
slammed　into　a　tree。　Crystal　had　died　instantly。

Chloe　twitched。　Her　forehead　was　bathed　in　sweat。　Throwing　an　arm　over
her　eyes；　she　sank　more　deeply　into　the　sofa。　For　years　she　had　lived
with　the　guilt　of　causing　Crystal's　death。

But　there　was　new　guilt　now。　Ross　had　fallen　in　love　with　her　and　she
had　allowed　it　to　happen。　Since　she　couldn't　marry　him；　he　would　be
hurt；　which　was　the　last　thing　she　wanted。　He　deserved　the　best；　the
finest。　He　deserved　a　wife　and　children　and　all　those　things　she　might
have　wanted　herself；　had　life　been　different。　Causing　him　pain　increased
her　own　pain　ten…fold。　Because；　when　all　was　said　and　done；　she　loved
him；　too。

That　was　the　deepest　layer　unearthed　in　her　soul…search。　She　did　love
Ross；　but　it　had　no　future。　There　would　always　be　yesterday　and　the
ghosts　she　lived　with。　Ross　had　stolen　her　heart；　but　only　a　part。　The
rest　had　either　died　with　Crystal；　or　died　a　little　more　each　time　she
saw　the　grief　on　her　parents'　faces。　Ross　deserved　a　wholehearted　woman。
She　wanted　that　for　him。

After　developing　a　throbbing　migraine；　Chloe　was　in　bed　by　eight；　and
there　was　pain　beyond　her　head。　Ross's　scent　clung　to　her　sheets；　the
remembered　feel　of　his　body　scared　her　skin。　She　burned　inside；　with　no
outlet。

In　time　she　fell　asleep。　After　two　nights　without；　it　was　deep　and
mercifully　uninterrupted。　She　woke　up　only　when　Lee　hollered　from　the
foot　of　the　stairs；　〃Chloe？　Rise　and　shine！〃

She　yawned；　stretched；　remembered　and　felt　pain；　then　relief。　Lee　often
woke　her　with　a　yell。　This　wouldn't　be　the　last　time。　Life　would　go　on
without　Ross。　Yes；　it　would。　Climbing　from　bed；　she　showered；　dressed；
neatened　the　room　and　joined　Lee　for　breakfast。　〃Good　weekend；　kid？〃　he
asked　around　a　mouthful　of　toast。　〃Not　bad。〃

〃So　what　happened？〃

〃Nothing。〃

〃He　didn't　sleep　at　my　place　Saturday　night；　Chloe。〃

She　helped　herself　to　coffee。　〃How　do　you　know　he　stayed　over　Saturday
night？　How　do　you　know　he　didn't　go　back　to　New　York？〃

〃His　car　was　here　Sunday　morning。〃

She　couldn't　begrudge　him　the　gentle　teasing。　He　was　a　dear　friend。
〃You're　getting　snoopy　in　your　old　age。〃

〃I　live　right　next　door。　How　could　I　miss　it？〃

〃You　could　have　looked　the　other　way。〃

〃And　pass　up　the　pleasure　of　seeing　you　blush？　You　don't　do　it　very
often；　you　know。〃

With　determined　steadiness　she　sipped　her　coffee。　〃I'm　not　doing　it　now。
What　you　see　is　the　freshness　of　morning…〃　；；…made　fresher　by　a
stimulating　weekend。〃

〃Stimulating；〃　she　said　with　a　grunt。　〃That's　one　word　for　it。〃

〃He's　a　good　man；　Chloe。　I　liked　him。〃

〃He　liked　you；　too。　The　two　of　you　aren't　all　that　different。〃

〃Maybe　because　we　care　about　you。〃

Chloe　smiled。　〃You're　sweet。〃　She　changed　the　subject。　〃When　do　you
leave　for　Washington？〃

〃Hold　on；　pretty　lady。　I'm　still　curious。　You　and　that　guy　had　a　thing
going　once。　Is　it　on　again？〃　Quietly；　she　said；　〃I　never　talked　about　'a
thing'　with　Ross。　I　said　I　knew　him　and　that　whatever　might　have　been
between　us　was　over。　Don't　read　something　into　it　that　isn't　there。〃

〃You　make　a　nice　pair。〃

〃It's　not　your　affair。〃

Lee　backed　off。　〃You're　right。　It's　not。　If　I　had　any　sense　I'd　marry
you　myself。〃

Chloe　was　suddenly　cross。　〃I　wouldn't　say　yes　to　you；　either！〃

〃So　he　did　ask　you。〃　Her　partner　smiled。　〃Fast　worker；　that　one。〃

Unable　to　e　up　with　a　suitably　indignant　retort；　she　stood　up　with
her　mug　and　made　to　flee　to　her　office。

〃What　about　breakfast？〃　Lee's　voice　trailed　after　her。

〃I'm　not　hungry！〃

〃You　shouldn't　work　on　an　empty　stomach。〃　Ross　had　said　the　same　thing
Saturday。

〃I'll　live！〃　she　shouted　over　her　shoulder　and　closed　the　office　door。

The　telephone　jangled；　a　merciful　reminder　of　the　workday　ahead。　It　was
Alabama。　Had　she　made　a　decision　on　handling　the　study　for　the　citizens'
group　in　Mobile？　No。　She　hadn't　even　thought　about　it　once　during　the
weekend。　It　would　mean　a　week　on　location　taking　samples　of　Gulf　water
and　testing　the　ocean　floor　position。　It　was　a　potentially
fascinating　project；　since　the　toxic　waste　burning　plan　was　so　new。

〃Yes；　Ms。　Farwell。　I'll　take　the　job。　What's　the　exact　status　of　the
waste　burning　now？〃

A　gentle　voice　responded　with　concern。　〃The　tanker　will　be　leaving
Mobile　two　weeks　from　tomorrow　loaded　with　oil　contaminated　with　PCBS。
Those　PCBS　are　cancer…causing。　The　pany　that　owns　the　freighter
claims　that　by　the　time　the　oil　is　pletely　burned；　any　toxic　acid
emitted　in　the　smoke　will　have　been　neutralized　by　the　seawater。　We
doubt　that。〃

Chloe　made　notes　as　the　woman　talked。　〃Where　do　they　plan　to　do　the
burning？〃

The　woman　knew　her　facts　and　offered　them　up；　along　with　a　detailed　list
of　the　equipment　Chloe　would　need。　She　also　advised　Chloe　on　making
arrangements　with　the　local　university　for　the　use　of　their　lab。

Hanging　up　the　phone；　Chloe　was　pleased。　With　the　use　of　a　lab；　she
would　be　able　to　spend　evenings　analyzing　the　samples　she　collected。
Four　or　five　days　out；　and　the　job　would　be　done。

The　project　was　exciting。　More　than　that；　the　escape　from　Little　pton
was　just　what　she　needed。　It　would　give　her　a　head　start　at　putting　Ross
out　of　her　mind。

Her　pencil　moved　over　the　paper；　making　further　notes　on　the　Alabama
project。　She　would　fly　down　in　three　weeks；　by　which　time　the　tanker
would　have　reached　its　proposed　burn　site　and　started　to　work。　Three
weeks　would　take　her　into　the　second　week　in　November。　After　a　week　in
Mobile；　Thanksgiving　would　be　at　hand。

Thanksgiving。　She　felt　a　soft；　distant　shudder。　Should　she　go　home？

Alabama　was　in　the　vicinity　of　Louisiana。　Mobile　was　a　hop；　skip；　and
jump　from　New　Orleans。　She　hadn't　seen　her　parents　in　a　long　time。　She
missed　them　a　lot。　Same　with　her　brothers。　One　of　them　might　be　there；
too。

But　there　would　be　memories　of　another　Thanksgiving；　not　only　in　Chloe's
mind　but　in　those　of　her　parents　and　brothers。　Could　she　face　those？　In
eleven　years　she　had　never　made　it　home　for　Thanksgiving。　They　must　have
guessed　why。　No　doubt　they　were　relieved。　Looking　at　Chloe　was　seeing
Crystal；　too。　She　hated　to　impose　that　on　a　family　Thanksgiving。

The　phone　rang　again。　〃Chloe？　Howard　Wolschinski　here。　I　just　got　a　call
from　Stephenson。　He's　ready　to　talk。〃　He　paused。　Chloe　didn't　know　what
to　say。　〃Are　you　still　there？〃　he　asked。

〃I'm　here；　Howard。〃　She　sighed；　resigned。　She　should　have　known。　〃That's
good　news；〃　she　said　with　forced　enthusiasm。　〃Has　he　given　on　all　of　our
points？〃

〃He　hasn't　given　on　anything　yet。　But　he　says　that　he　hears　what　you're
saying　and　is　willing　to　have　you　work　with　his　people　to　revise　the
plans。〃

〃That's　fine。　My　studies　and　findings　are　all　clearly　outlined　in　the
report　I　did　for　you。　I'll　have　one　of　my　assistants　give　him　a　call。〃

〃He　wants　you。〃

〃Did　he　say　that？〃

〃Loud　and　clear。　His　exact　words　were；　〃If　it　were　anyone　else；　I'd　have
doubts。　But　Chloe　Macdaniel　has　a　spirit